Second hand food

How clean is a dog’s mouth? Seriously, I need to know this. It is becoming an issue in my home. I once heard that a dog’s mouth is very clean. I heard that their saliva can help wounds heal faster, almost magical if you will. That is why I have let my boxer clean my softball wounds. Of course, then he gets the taste of man flesh in his mouth which could produce long term issues. I willing to deal with them when the time comes by smiting him down but in the meantime it is a relationship that works out well.
The problem is that my daughter has discovered her new favorite game. It is called feed the dogs. My daughter has always been a messy eater, which I attribute to her mother’s side of the family, the filthy animals. She likes to throw things, smear and create basic havoc that we like to call dinner. I felt blessed that I had dogs then that could do several things for me. They would eat anything that was put off the floor. I mean anything. Meats of course are their favorite but they are also partial to carrot puree and baby puke. For a while, it was a great situation, everyone pitching in. There are no slackers in this household, no ma’am thank you very much. Also, you have never seen a high chair cleaned quicker than my dogs who seem to have started doing tongue length exercises to increase their dexterity. It’s like an elephant trunk coming out of there.
For a while, this went well. My house was ordered, my kingdom secured. I could sit back on my throne and observe all that was hoss and it was good. That’s when my daughter made a new discovery. She decided that she liked to watch the dogs eat the food on the floor. She thought it was the most funny thing she had ever seen. It was her three ring circus, she was the ultimate ring master. The dogs couldn’t have been happier. Months of screaming in the middle of the night, hours of ear pulling and the occasional grabbing of private parts is finally starting to pay off. It was like finding the Holy Grail for them. It was instant food, instant gratification, praise all that is holy!
My daughter then found even a better way to communicate with the boxer. She discovered that if she held the food, Kahn—my dog, would eat it right out of her hand! Greatness! Joy has come! Kahn is a very gentle dog, it’s a boxer’s nature. I know that there are those out there will be shocked that my dog is doing this and are thinking Cujo. Please relax, he’s a sissy. He doesn’t “chomp” like a lot of dogs. He has to smell, then put his fluffy jowls on it, then maybe take it although most times he drops it to the floor.
My daughter loves this, can’t get enough of it. It’s the giving streak in her, she’s a humanitarian. She just has to take it one step further. Why not give half to the dog, and the other half for her! Even better and produces wild, crazy laughter. Of course, this means that it is covered in dog slobber. Thus my original question.
She does this with everything. Cookies, pasta, green beans, nuggets. My dogs need to be put on cholesterol medication for this. And it keeps getting stranger. There have been times when I have decided to eat my dinner from my power chair in the living room. Normally, mutt 1 and mutt 2 sit right at my feet. They are very quiet and respectful but will not budge until I give them something or move. My daughter, being a very impressionable do-gooder, has noticed this. What does she do? She joins them. She thinks is even a better idea than feeding them. She will go right to where they are and sit, looking at Hossdad. Waiting, waiting, please drop something waiting. Sadly, these three pairs of eyes hold massive sway on me. On occasion, perhaps, I have thrown the occasional food morsel their way. My daughter takes it, gives a little to each dog, then eats her portion, laughing all the way. She has also learned that if she screams really loud, I may be tempted to give her food right away. My father skills are being questioned, what am I supposed to do.
That’s when it dawns on my. Good God my daughter has gone feral. She’s being raised by a pack of dogs. Begging at my feet? Peeing on the floor? She loves snuggling with the dogs, tell me that isn’t pack behavior. She isn’t screaming, she’s howling! I am raising a pack baby, my soul be damned! She didn’t want balloons for her birthday, she was a snausage! Will she grow fur? Is she going to be like that movie Gorilla’s in the Mist? Will she fling poo or just insults. Many questions, many questions. But let’s start with the first one: How clean is a dog’s mouth.

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