Daddy Comes Home

"Daddy!" they yelled. Then my two minions ran up and punched me in the nuts.

"We missed you so much!" they said. Then Bubba Hoss threw a car that hit me in the nuts. Two nut shots in 3 minutes. That has to be some kind of record.

"I drew a picture for you!" Little Hoss yelled and then ran off to get the picture. She turned around and came back to me and punched me in the nuts because she had forgotten to do so then ran to get her picture.

"Picture!" Bubba Hoss said in his little two year old voice and then just kind of twirled around. I had been gone for 3 days and had just driven a big truck 10 hours. People asked me if I would be lonely on such a long trip by myself. What they thought would be loneliness I took as peace and quiet with no one hitting me in the balls.

"See Daddy, here's my picture!" Dad coming home after such a long break (for them anyway) had caused a lot of excitement by the time I got home. They then started to fight on who would show me the picture. 10 minutes at home and I was already going to have to put someone into timeout.

"I rode Turbo!!" Little Hoss screamed inches from my ear. I enrolled her in horse riding lessons and she is very happy. Then Bubba Hoss tackled her from behind. It was good form though, he may have a future there.

"I want to sit on you" both of them yelled as soon as I sat down. Then they proceeded to play king of the hill on my lap, moving up to my stomach and eventually ended up on my head. I was kicked in the nuts several times.

Yup, 10 hours alone of listening to crap radio and drinking my own soda without any fear of backwash being in it. 10 hours of jamming to grunge with the occasional Donna Summers (not many radio stations in the midwest wheat fields!). 10 hours of no fighting, no yelling and no wondering where the hell my wallet is. 10 hours of peace and quiet.

We put them down to bed where both couldn't get enough of me. Kisses, hugs and punches: that's how we roll in this house.

"I love you Daddy" Bubba Hoss said. Then he gave me a hug.

"I missed you Daddy" Little Hoss told me as she laid her head down on my chest.

I'm home. I'm never leaving again.


  1. With enough of those shots from the groin, you won't have to ever worry about a 3rd child on the way.

  2. i think I choked up a little at the end of this one. Might of been my nuts . . .

  3. You'll leave again.
    I give it 'till October, then you will make a break for freedom again.