Captain's Log

Captain's Log, star date 11.44.1294: Day One
The cargo has been unloaded. It happened very fast and now I just sit and look at it. I have no idea what it is. You would think I would know what it is considering that I drove it halfway across the country, but I don't. I just know what it cost me and the cost wasn't cheap. What wasn't paid out in dollars was made up for in family drama. I would have rathered just paid money. It takes up my entire garage and I've got to find a place for it. I look at my two crewmen and they stare back at me, waiting for answers. I have no answers.

Day Two:
Began to scope out places to put said cargo. Would like to find a good Ceti Alpha VI but so far all away teams have been useless. It seems that our only choice is Basement, a desolate place devoid of all but the foulest of foul creatures. Personally went down to inspect it myself. The first officer objected but then she remembered that Chuggington was on and quickly left myself and her redshirt brother to accomplish the mission. Discovered that since I was down here last that the cat has gone incontinent and has shit everywhere. I hope she has Leukemia. I've heard cats can get that. If I can find a cat that has it I will make my cat lick it and hope for the best. Maybe they can share needles or something. Spent the rest of the day fending off green skinned hotties and bleaching cat shit off the concrete floor. Have tried several tactics for killing the cat but our phasers do not seem to affect the wretched beast. Ended the day by actually building a screen door for the bottom of the basement so the fat thing can't get in anymore. Am waiting for a "present" to be left on my pillow. We can only hope for the best at this point.

Woke up in the middle of the night to answer nature's call and discovered a strange pain in my back. I am concerned as I have never in my life hurt my back doing manual labor or lifting things. 35 years of good times but I'm afraid that age has finally caught up with me. My back hurts. Sleep comes but it is troubled. I am not hopeful that this mission will have a positive outcome.

Day Three:
Began moving the cargo and the natives were not happy about it. They wanted to know why we had to move all of Grandma's stuff down to the basement. They thought it was cool to have it in the garage and asked if I had checked with Admiral Mom yet. I told them to suck it, that I was the captain of this house and I would do as I damn well pleased. Almost had a revolt. I threw a box of Christmas ribbons at them before they could take my head off. It was enough of a distraction so that I could escape but just barely. The ribbon was lost, recommend it for a medal. Considering mutiny charges.

Found a dead rabbit in the garage as well after I moved an especially heavy box of silver. We have three sets of silver now. I don't know why but we could throw a kickass fancy dinner party if we wanted to. But then I would have to cook and the dinner party would no longer kickass. Note to self: order out when dinner parties come unless everyone is happy with Macaroni and Cheese. I didn't know what to tell the crew what happened to the baby rabbit.

I knew that my other cat, the good one, killed it and decided to leave it for us. He's a giver. He doesn't shit everywhere so he can stay a part of this family. Science Officer Bubba Hoss asked if the rabbit was sleeping. I said yes. It was all I could think of to say. When Little Hoss asked what that stuff was coming out of his ears I replied "Happiness". I quickly distracted them with popsicles and chunked the rabbit in the trash. I am not ready to have the death talk with the crew yet. I am a coward but deep down, all men are.

Moved the old entertainment center downstairs to make room for the new one. I was not alone. Crewman Helpful and Crewman Sit on it we more than willing to jump on top of it as I was sliding it down the stairs. They also wanted to help with the large oak chair but I had them confined to quarters on a trumped up charge. I'm not proud of my actions but sometimes that's all you've got. My back further paid the price from all the heavy lifting. It appears that I have the body of a 65 year old woman and that lifting heavy table sets and complete sets of china will cause me to have spasms. Admiral Mom asked if I took any aspirin and I scoffed as I cannot have her question my toughness. Went to bed early. Dog farted on me.

Day Four:
Beginning to be more hopeful today. The end is in sight. I figure that I can finish this job and get the whole house back to normal in a week or so. Started this mission almost a week and a half ago and it feels like I was a different person then. I thought I was still young enough to cart solid oak table tops by myself. I thought I could easily work until midnight without any adverse affects. Turns out not to be the case but those are only minor bumps and bruises that I can deal with. The cargo has shrunk in size greatly over the last several days. If I keep this up I may be able to get some shore leave soon. Green Skinned Hotties and Romulan Ale. I'm a rocket man and we are almost done. God speed.

End Transmission.................................................................................

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