8/24/09

Or Best Offer

For Sale: One creepy white polar bear animatronic child's toy, complete with amazing demonic action!

Is your child not getting the stimulation that they need? Do you find that their defense against Satan's hoards needs improvement? If so, this slightly used hell spawn is for you. Crafted by the finest sweat shops in China, this 100% polyester educational marvel sports real moving parts and 360 degree head-spinning mayhem. The stuffing comes to us straight from the 9Th circle of hell to give this demonic minion authentic evil right inside! Powered by the despair of a thousand damned souls, this artifact will positively never fail to cause havoc wherever it roams.

This toy is guaranteed to start moving slowly and creepily very late at night. It's internal evil o meter (patent pending) detects when your child is almost asleep and automatically goes into terrify mode, all on it's own! It will crawl under the child's bed and begin speaking in Sanskrit--a dead language! Should your child be more resilient than normal, the demons inside the toy will take full possession of other toys around the room and perform the Nutcracker on the ceiling almost positively guaranteeing night terrors for years to come.

Those screams your hearing in the middle of the night? Not to worry, that's just your child fighting the undead hoard summoned by Beelzebub and his minions.

This is a one of a kind item and a true find. No care required and virgin sacrifices have been preordered for your convenience. It's that extra special care to give you and your child the most terrifying and psyche scaring experience possible. Your child will have nightmares from this thing well into his 30's! What a great deal!

Demon bear makes the perfect gift for any child in your life. Does your niece sleep with the lights off, showing up your own child? Put her in her place and see how she likes it when pea soup is vomited on her while suggestions are made about her mother. That should keep that light on for years and years to come. Is your nephew nothing but a little bastard? Revenge is oh so sweet when it's done with that little extra bit of evil.

Guaranteed to start moving when no one is around. Guaranteed to speak with a robust broken speaker voice when least appropriate. Guaranteed to open that vortex into hell right in your own playroom!!

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here? Not when you have the ultra-fantastic creepy white
animatronic polar bear toy with authentic demonic possession!

What would a steal like this cost? $199? $299? No! This is the best part! Just come pick this creepy damned thing up from my house and it's yours! For the cost of gas to and from your own house, you can be the proud owner of a piece of the underworld. How can you say no to a deal like this?!

Holy water and catholic priest sold separately.

3 comments:

  1. I suggest sticking a stake through its chest. Yes, his is primarily used for vampires, but after placing the object in a plastic bag and staking it just place the remains in the garbage just before the truck arrives at your door. It will then enter the soul of the garbage man who will start to thow your can lid two doors down. I know this works, because I get no less than 3 lids a week in my yard.

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  2. That was so funny! My son has a Sesame Street toy that will go off several times in the day or night all by itself. One night it will play the creepy music all night and the next night nothing. No sound. We've had to remove it from his room because it was waking him up from naps.

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