A Hossman Classic: A Tribute to Trek

I finally say the new Star Trek movie and now I offer this Hossman classic in salute:

Trekkie Support Group

Hello, my name is Hossman, and I am a Trekkie.

You reply—Hello Hossman.

I know all the actual serial numbers of every Enterprise. And yes Shorty, there is more than one Enterprise. Most forget about the one that was destroyed defending the Klingon base on Kitymar because it had only a short run.
I have had serious debates over who is the better captain, Picard or Kirk and to a lesser extent the one that Scott Bacula played.
I know the name of the first actual captain of the enterprise and no, it wasn’t Kirk
I know the actual actors names of every major character, including guest appearances.
I know where the science station is located compared to the weapons or navigation. On both shows.

You reply—we still love you Brother!

I know what the T stands for in James T. Kirk.
I know where Picard was born.
Every cell phone that I buy MUST flip open so I can imagine that I am using a communicator.
I was once disappointed because when I got my new toy phaser, it didn’t actually stun anyone.
I know that Tasha Yar once had relations with an Android and I thought that was cool.

You Reply—Sing to Jesus, Brother

When I realized that Star Trek didn’t really exist, it was worse than finding out the truth about Santa Claus.
I know exactly how fast “Warp 1” is.
I know who is the inventor of the Warp Drive Engine.
I know the physics behind the “Picard Maneuver”

You Reply—We forgive you!

I know the age at which Spock’s Father died, and I know his name.
I know his mother’s name and place of birth.
My brother once punched me for telling him that I thought Star Trek was stupid. I agreed with him punching me.
When a fellow Trekkie showed up for jury duty in her official star trek uniform, I thought that was a great idea.

You Reply—Bring it home Father Hossman

Bring up any episode, of any show, and I can tell you what it is about based on one line of dialog.
I judge people that are fans of Deep Space Nine or Voyager, because they have gotten away from the roots that is Star Trek.
I truly believe that you can time travel if you sling shot around the sun.
I can tell you in what movie or show you are watching based on the style of uniform that is being worn.
I avoid wearing tight red shirts and black pants so I won’t be the first crew member killed.

You Reply—Preach to us, convert us!

I know how to play Star Trek chess with three levels.
I was disappointed when I discovered that I couldn’t Mind Meld with the dog.
I named my dog Kahn, after the Wrath of Kahn.
Wrath of Kahn is my fantasy football name.
I considered naming my child Tiberius.
I know what frequency of phaser is best suited to slicing through the atmosphere of a planet to dig a hole on the ground.

You Reply----I feel the spirit of the Kirk, I feel the spirit of the Kirk!

I describe my address in terms of which Quadrant of the Neutral Zone I live in.
If in your campaign you mention anything about Star Trek, you will get my vote.
I believe the Prime Directive could fix the BCS.
I am afraid that other Trekkie’s will not think that I am Trekkie enough.

You Reply—Have no fear, have no fear.

My secret ambition is to learn to read and write Kligon fluently.
I celebrate the future birthday of James T. Kirk.
I know that when I meet a green skinned hot alien, I will have to make out with her
I think that fans of Battlestar Galatica are rip off copy cats.

You reply—let them burn, let them burn.

I say “engage” everytime I press the gas pedal on my car.
I let people know that “I’m a doctor damit, not a faith healer” every chance I get.
I wish I had green Vulcan blood.
I wish I had a convention costume.

You reply—come join us, come join us.

I do believe that there is an alien world out there where the super hot aliens where nothing but loin clothes and are in open marriages.
I can sing the theme song.
I boldly go where no man has gone before.

You reply-We will follow.

Let us pray.

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