Hello everyone, I’m Ronald NewsPimp and welcome to Action Blog News. We have a late breaking story from the War on Terror in the Hossman household. Let’s throw it over to Blog News’ own Johnny Exaggerator. Johnny?
Thanks Ronald. As you know I am currently embedded in the Hossman district where the War on Terror continues to be fought. The 2 year old Freedom Fighters have decided that t hey will use this day, the day of transfer of power to the stay at home dad, to make a stand against tyranny and no mid morning snack.
Fighting broke out early this morning in the downtown living room district as the Freedom Fighters began their current offensive. Shortly after 9 am this morning, all outside privileges were canceled for five minutes. The Hossman Regime gave no reason for the cancelation other than the expected “Because I said so.” Shortly there after, the first attacks began when an un-named Freedom Fighter took a glass of apple juice and poured it all down the new government’s back and into his shorts where the juice ran quickly to his asscrack.
Chaos quickly followed as representatives from the new Hossman Regime sent retaliatory strikes back towards the freedom fighters, completely destroying the remaining apple juice stockpiles. These weapons of mass soaking have long been a concern of the current leadership and they seem to have found the ones responsible.
However, fighting escalated from that point on as the 2 year old Freedom Fighters were not intimidated. What is now being called as the “MeltDown in the Kitchen” came quickly and without warning as another freedom fighter barfed this morning’s breakfast all across the arm of the Hossman Regime. The reports coming back from that incident describe it as “disgusting” and “vile.” Apparently the smell from the attack even drove the wildlife in the house to seek cover.
At that point, it would appear that full out war was inevitable in this very volatile region of home. The Hossman leadership suffered another blow as it was learned that the Finance Minister, Hossmom, had taken the wallet of the Hossman Leadership causing further chaos as the 2 year old Freedom Fighters were again denied government benefits. In an official statement released just recently, the Hossman leadership states that this was just an unfortunate oversight and that all normal activities would quickly resume. But as you can imagine, the 2 year old freedom fighters put very little faith in the statements from the Hossman Regime.
Immediately the Hossman army sent it’s best troops to reclaim the wallet from the place of employment of the Finance minister but they did not realize that the Freedom Fighters again had someone on the inside.
At lunch with the leadership and the Finance Minister, a Freedom Fighter was able to make her way to the unstable sugar packets located just east of their position. She was then able to open several of those sugar packets, some may have been Splenda, and contaminate a large Dr. Pepper, making it undrinkable.
The Hossman Regime was then forced into peace talks with the freedom fighters but the terms and conditions did not appear to be any where near the resolution required by the Freedom Fighters. Full outside privileges along with an ample supply of cat food were again denied.
Fighting resumed on the freeway home as the 2 year old Freedom Fighters again launched a salvo of screams at the Hossman Leadership. It would also appear that they have sympathizers among the 3 month old sect that occupies a small territory in the home. Together, the 3 month old and the 2 year old Freedom Fighters proved to be almost to much for the Hossman Regime to handle.
In the middle of cursing and making threats of killing Elmo and tearing his body apart in retribution, the Hossman Regime did not seem to notice that he was tailgating an unmarked police car on the freeway. A statement released by the Hossman regime only said “Oh, shit” but did not offer any further elaboration.
But it would appear that the highway patrol has some sympathy for what this new dictatorship is going through because he only flashed his lights once and then proceded to let the Hossman Regime continue on its way.
As you can tell, it’s been a series of devastating blows to the Regime that is forcibly instigating change and not all of it is being welcomed by the 2 year old Freedom Fighters. Back to you Ronald.
Thank you Johnny. Please keep us in……………
Ronald! Ronald! I’m just getting word here that we have some sort of sneak attack. Yes, details are sketchy but it would appear that the Hossman Regime has just begun nap time and the Freedom Fighters are down! There is jubilation in the streets of the hallway and prayer circles have just begun at the wailing wall. The Freedom fighters may have just expended themselves to far to fast and it does not appear that the could continue this type of onslaught.
Wow. Again, thank you Johnny for that fascinating report. Are thoughts are with you and please come home safely and without baby vomit covering you.