The Nazi hoard is pouring the assualt on. Friends that I have known for many months are dropping around me. I fire my weapon in desperation. Shrapnel hits the wall beside me as I observe my digital self taking wounds. The end has come and no one will know about my last stand. But everyone will know my final words:
"You fuck head!"
At the end of each match on the Xbox world, the teams come together for some good natured ripping. From around the world, we are all connected in one game. Our headphones I'm sure stink of stale pizza pocket breath.
We go to the load screen where each team comes together to discuss the previous game. I am quite as I am a sissy. If you have read my blogs in the past, you just know that I cannot out smacktalk a 15 year old. But I know the rules of this world, my score can finally speak for itself.
This is not a place for the thin skinned. This is not a place for those that take great offense at the digital T-bagging. Abandon all hope all who enter here.
My team was decimated. We were destroyed by a superior force. The hoard came on strong and without mercy. We could not hold back the assualt. Maybe, one day, they will speak of it as they do the Alamo.
And then, as I listen in my headphones, I hear a baby cub utter a tragic mistake.
"You guys had to many people, that wasn't fair"
I inhale sharply as I know what is coming next. The people that I have heard on the online gaming world do not know the word "Mercy" or "delicate." They are savage hyenas, goading eachother on until the kill is made. To make such a statement has invited the wrath of the faceless demons.
"You suck, that's why you lost, pussy" the first jab comes. I know that it will only get worse.
"Maybe if you weren't so busy jacking off you could have held the controller better." the second insult is hurled. The sharks are circling, they can smell blood in the water.
"Fuck you mamma's boy." "Pansy" "Jerkoff" the insults are hurled like gernades, each one striking it's target.
This poor boy, this poor poor boy. I want to rush into the virtual world and hug his profile. I want to wrap my arms around him to protect him from the onslaught. But there is nothing that I can do because I am to much of a chickenshit to actually talk in the online world.
So I listen. I listen and I am shamed.
"Why don't you go play the Wii" one says. This is a hard insult, basically calling him out on his lack of bloodlust. This is a very high insult. "Maybe then you and the other kiddies can hug at the end". This insult hurts all of us other nameless ones as we feel for the young man who has decided to whine rather than throw his own insults.
But all hope is not lost yet. There is but a glimmer. Come on kid, give them something back. Give them something good. Tell them that you had sex with thier mother in a very undignified way. Tell them that you saw thier sister selling herself for fifty cents. Come on kid, it's in you, you just have to tap into it. Embrace the darkside. Embrace your hate.
"Hey guys, let's play another game and then I can be on your team."
Ohhhhh. A fatal error. He is trying to now suck up and everyone knows it. Tragic. Tragic.
It's a tough thing to see something so innocent and sweet torn apart. What was good is now being destroyed. What once believed that all people were good and trustworthy now discovers that in the online world, those same people are nothing more jackels fighting over a dead carcus.
It starts immediately and it is brutal.
"We should kick you out of our game, fag." The ultimate slight, to be kicked out of the game. It is the real world equivalant of being given a wedgie. I hurt for the kid, who can't be more than 15. Run kid, run.
"No way, then who could we beat the piss out of." another states.
I can almost feel his virtual tears streaming down his digital face. Life is cruel and so is the online life.
I am not the hero in this tale as my own courage left me. I remember when I made the same mistake, and it took me a good 3 days to come back and play. And still, when I see the same guys on, I avoid them. The hurt is still fresh and this brings it all back. The assualt may ruin him. He may decide to read a book rather than play another game, and thus a good soldier is lost to battle fatigue.
"Fucky cocky, motherfucker dickeheads" A british guy responds. His cockney accent is so think, no one can really understand him. The online world is silent. Who is this?
He is Long22, and he is on our team. He alone has the courage to speak when the rest are silent. But no one can understand him, which makes it all the better. I'm not sure that is what he said, but I think so.
"You dickheads, bloody maggots, fucking transvestite mother humping whores." I think that is it, but if not, I think I can be forgiven the misquote as he is talking like Mick Jagger on cocaine.
No one speaks. There is some laughter from both sides, but shock is the atmosphere.
"What?" one says. "I usually say people make no sense, but I have no idea what you just said." says the previous instigator. He is on his heels now.
What followed cannot be written becuase I cannot even guess what he said. The Brit went off full bore. I imigine that there was some more mother insulting but this guy was truly weaving something beatiful that the rest of us mere mortals couldn't understand, just sit back and enjoy the artistry.
"Yeah, fuck you" the kid says. He is now a toadie and I can relate even more to him. It's the kid that gives me the courage to finally speak.
"Blow me, jerkoffs" I scream. O, the rush of joy that comes through me as my pulse quickens and my cheeks redden. I am unleashed and so is my online team.
"Pussies!, Dickheads! Jerkoffs! Motherfuckers!" and my personal favorite said by someone with Boston accent "Crab carrying monkey whores!" I have no idea what this means, but it is so sweet.
Yes, let's play another game. Perhaps this time, it shall have a different outcome.