I feel that I must apologize for the last blog. My wife read it when it went up. Her initial response was "It's fine."
Which is how my wife says that it wasn't very funny. She tries to be delictate with me as I am what we refer to as "the talent". She is a little afraid that my ego will be so crushed that I would walk away from my blogging contract and hold out for more. She is right which is a tad bit shameful. Eggshells people, we are walking on eggshells.
I get most of my ideas on the ride home from work. An idea will hit and then I will mull it over a little bit. Hopefully by the next morning, I've got a good piece to work with. Just fill in the gaps here, add an adverb there, and whamo--Hossman classic. The line for autographs start at the right.
However, as you can see from the last post, not all are the gold that they start out to be in the amber waves of grain of my mind. I swear to you, when I was thinking about writing a state sponsered biography of myself in a spoof of the Wiki dictators I read, it was much, much funnier. In fact, I actually laughed out loud several times.
My wife's first criticism was that there was a political slant to it. She pointed out that most blogs seem to have a political underside. I took this to mean that my blog has become ordinary, uninspired and drab.
Hossman's ego takes a left hook and staggers.
It was also pointed out to me that once again, my spelling is dreadful. For the uptenth time I explained that I write what I think, and what I think is usually in the form of pictures. It's enough for me to actually get this down on cyberspace without worring how to spell. Did George Washington have to do this? What about Thomas Jefferson? Ok, bad example, but still, my point is that great men cannot be bound by the rules of an arbitrary dictionary. I'm a very complex individual.
When she told me all of this, my initial response was "Did you read the blog?" Which is always the first question anytime I ever see or talk to her. "Yes honey, it was fine, it was just a little............" I cannot write the next word, but it rhymes with flooring.
Hossman's ego takes a shot to the ribs, he stumbles, but stays up. The ref should stop this before someone gets killed.
I then remind her of everything that I thought was funny. "Did you read where I said that I invented the sun and the toaster. C'mon, that's comic gold."
"Yes dear, that was very funny."
Her lack of enthusiasm as she says this comment is not good. After 12 years together, I can read my wife like a properly spelled book. This is where she is trying to spare me but can't help it. What that means is that she barely laughed. She laughed like you would when you see a cutsey cat email about "hang in there." "Hmm, that's cute, ha ha, hmmm." What you really want is for people to stop forwarding you stuff like that so you can get back to your porn.
Hossman's ego takes another shot to the face followed by kidney punches, he may be going down.
Her final criticism was that intellectual pursuits, while self fulfilling, do not really make good funny material. She pointed out that while I may find that contrasting the roots of good versus evil is good reading, my core audience may get bored with the subject matter. That is her way of calling all of you stupid pop culture drones sitting there in your underwear eating your cookie dough straight from the tube while failing to recognize the subtle humor presented.
Are you really going to take that? Man, if she called me stupid, I would show her. I would get as many friends as I could to read this blog and show her up. What are we, wimps? But the point is made, we do enjoy reading all about who's really Anna's baby's daddy. I admit, I read US weekly as soon as it comes in.
Hossman's ego takes a brutal combination and hits the canvas. The ref starts the count down.
It's then that she reminds me of the type of things that I write about that most find funny. Being a dad, teaching my daughter completely useless things because it is funny, growing up part hick in Arkansas, middle aged softball or describing what is going on in the new pregnancy. And poop, because that's always funny. I did notice that she didn't mention anything about Xbox, which is one of my favorite things to write.
Hossman's ego lays motionless. 1,2,3,4, 5.............
And that's when I hear it. My motto whispered slowly in my ear.
Get up you son of a bitch, because Mickey loves ya..............