Love Thy Neighbor

Gather around all you soulless sinners. Open your ears and your hearts to my message this afternoon in the church of blog. Open your wallets and make your offering for salvation can be bought here. We do not judge the color of your money but only the credit score you shall receive.

Everyone look to your virtual right. Then everyone look to your virtual left. Look at your neighbor and open your heart to them. Then take that feeling home and look to your real neighbors, and forgive.

Forgive them when they come over within two weeks of moving in and they tell you that they are recovering Meth addicts. Listen to their story when they tell you how they had to try something different other than the Methadone to get clean. Empathize with them when they pour their soul out about how they haven’t shot up in “months” and that they are getting healthier. And when they tell you that they are both out of work and going for disability instead, do not subconsciously wonder where your mamma’s good silver is. Do not wonder if your home security is tight enough and do not worry if they become to friendly with your dogs who will no longer bark during a home invasion. Offer your neighbor a toothbrush.

Love thy neighbor.

Forgive them when they come talk to you shortly after explaining how, although they are both still in their mid 20’s, they still remember what it is like to be teenagers and have fun. Do not judge them when they tell you that they have been buying beer for the jackass teenagers across the street because their parents don’t understand what it is like to be young. Do not point out that you work for Child Protective Services. Do not point out the stupidity of the statement that they would rather that they get drunk here rather than elsewhere. Do not point out that you have a daughter and you would just like to thank them in advance when they get drunk and drive up in your lawn. Offer your neighbor some common sense instead.

Love thy neighbor.

Forgive them when your wife is out of town and you are alone in your boxer’s and socks. Do not rush to assumptions when the neighbor’s wife knocks on your door at 12:30am. You rush as you think there must be an emergency only to find that she is holding your cat in her nightgown. Do not be dismayed when she “just wants to talk” about how her husband is not the same man she married. Do not rush to judgment as this conversation takes longer than the standard 3 minutes and she keeps scooting closer. Do not assume that this is how porno’s start and you are just waiting for her to ask for a cup of coffee and some company. Take your cat and give a “thank you” for bringing him home, even though he is an outdoor cat and everyone knows it. Offer your neighbor your wife’s telephone number instead.

Love thy neighbor.

Forgive them when the bumper falls off their car and they use this as yard art. Forgive the fact that tulips and axel grease really doesn’t go together and is not very fung shui. Do not try and avoid conversations with them because you just know that you have to bring that up and it will be awkwardness for everyone around. Accept that they may just be meth head addicts that can’t afford to fix a bumper at the moment because the street price of the Crystal has gone up since the crackdown at the boarder. Offer your neighbor a passport and a Greyhound bus ticket to Juarez instead.

Love thy Neighbor.

And when their fence blows down and they use police tape to erect a temporary fence for their dog, forgive them. Do not silently drive by everyday, each time looking at orange plastic tape like you are looking for a crashed skier. Do not peer in each time you drive by looking for their hydroponics collection that you are pretty sure is there. Offer them some fertilizer instead.

Love thy neighbor.

Forgive them when they finally decide to build a new fence that instead of atleast fixing the bumper yard art, they opt instead of putting up a 10 food privacy fence with a gate that now covers there driveway as well. When you learn that this gate is actually manual instead of motorized, do not make a face like you just took one in the pooper. And when they explain that they much prefer to park in the street rather than their driveway or garage, do not point out that is why we have an alley to begin with. Offer them some nails instead.

Love thy neighbor.

Forgive them when construction on that new fence occurs and you walk out on your unexpected day off to see a guy hammering away at your fence without talking to you first. And when he explains that he is building a new fence and wants to use some of your posts, do not get upset that no one talked to you about this first. And do no get even more upset when you calmly explain that you do not, in fact, share a fence line at all with your neighbor and there fore there will be no post sharing as you need your fence. Do not have a coronary when you discover that their new plan for the fence means that now you do share a fence line, but only about 15 feet of fence, which is now 10 feet tall and looks like ass from your backyard. Offer them code enforcement guidelines instead.

Love thy neighbor.

Forgive them when you smell pot coming from that backyard in the middle of the night. Do not start counting how many people are coming in and out of it and deciding that there is now a meth house in your once quiet neighborhood. Do not forget about the benefit of the doubt, that maybe instead they are very popular, unemployed, x-meth addicts that have cleaned up their way. Offer them a dime bag of oregano instead.

Love thy neighbor, people. And give forgiveness at every turn. For one day it shall be you that hasn’t mowed the yard in three weeks and soon discovered that that milkweed that is growing in your flower garden actually has a distinctive 5 leaf pattern and that every time you try to mow it, your neighbor asks you not to.

Love thy neighbor and love thy self. Amen.

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