Today is a milestone. Today we welcome a new member. Today, Little Hoss, takes her first step to becoming a full fledge Trekkie.
I can just feel the eyes rolling out there. Nay, I say, Nay. Save your judgment for those that deserve it. Cast aside your predjuces and hatreds. Do not attempt to ruin this day of days for Trekkies everywhere. For today we do not just gain another member, a leader is born into our growing body and we welcome her!
Today, Star Trek Mondays, she will complete the first step into full born membership. Like all secret organizations, there are rules and tributes that must be paid and today she pays her first installment in full. She earns her first Star Fleet Academy patch and I will not let any of you Debbie Downers take away from her achievement.
I know the reputation that Trekkies have out there. Hell, I even share a few. But I have not let that dissuade me from opening this higher form of being to my daughter. Some father’s pass on a gold watch. Other’s pass on wisdom. Some, just money. This is the legacy I leave to my children, become a Trekkie and become a God.
I know that there are Trekkies out there that have gone over the edge, dear god so over the edge. I know that there are some out there that have warn their Star Fleet Uniform to jury duty. I know that there was one guy who rebuilt his apartment to resemble the bridge of the 1967 Enterprise. I know that there was another guy out there that had his ears surgically altered to look like Vulcan ears. Ok, I don’t know that last one for fact but I’m just playing the odds.
To all us other Trekkies let me deliver a message to you: Knock it the fuck off. Seriously man, you are giving us enough problems as is, you don’t have to compound it for us. Don’t be the stereotype man, don’t be that guy. It’s already hard enough for us to get chicks, don’t complicate things with trying to actually try and making a working phaser. Trust me, the first time the opposite sex hears “phaser” they automatically assume you are the Comic Book guy from the Simpsons or the greasy IT guy with the porn mustache.
You have forced the rest of us to go underground, to hide who we truly are. It took me a while for me to admit to my wife that I was a Trekkie. I tried to drop little hints at first, just small things to see how she would react. I would do the Vulcan greeting as a joke and see how far she would roll her eyes. If it lasted for more than 5 seconds, I knew this could never work because I can’t change who I am. I was born this way.
I would then attempt to watch ½ an episode at a time to see how long she could stand it. Of course, at this time I would not quote any lines or the prime directive, that came much later. I would say, gee, this Star Trek Movie looks interesting, we should give it a shot. I would see how long it would take her to say hell no. That’s how I gradually let her know I was a Trekkie.
But it couldn’t stay hidden for long. One day she walked in and there I was. The T.V. was on to the original episode, I was doing the Vulcan Hand Thing while masturbating to the cute Andorian that was on the tube………………
Ok, it didn’t happen that way but in my head that was funny.
No, she started to notice that I was watching the show whenever it was on. She started noticing that instead of laughing when she made Trekkie jokes I would get offended and leave the room. She started to notice that every year for Christmas all I would ever ask for is a Holodeck.
So I finally had to tell her. I saw pity in her eyes. She knew what lay in store for her once she married me and she did anyway. That’s the sign of true love. Love a Trekkie and love forever, it’s just the way it has to be.
And tonight, underneath the stars and Rigel 7, my daughter enters the fold. I will teach her to never be ashamed of what we are. I will teach her to embrace Trekkie life and all that comes with it. I will warn her of the stares that we get, the snide comments that cut to the core of our soul and the snickers behind our backs. But I will also will teach her how to combat such small mindedness.
I will teach her that when Star Fleet comes, they will ignore all non believers. I will teach her that James Kirk will be born one day in Iowa and will love us for our devotion. I will teach her that one day the world will need us and until then, we will have to keep a low profile.
Do not be embarrassed my baby love because one day Trekkies will be considered pioneers. When we finally do achieve the ability to leave the stars, I guarantee you, my little sweet pea, that a Trekkie will be the captain. The future will look back at us and realize that while the liberal media has painted us in a negative light, we were the only ones that truly believed that the world would be a better place. The rest of them, my little angel, can rot in hell.
And tonight, my daughter, you take that first step and continue on your father’s legacy. But not just my legacy, no my precious. You are now a 3rd generation Trekkie, like you father before you and his father before him. You will look at the stars and realize that the same hopes and dreams that you have run in you blood, no, in your very soul. Because two before you have looked up there and thought, Man, it would be cool to meet some green skinned hotties.
Tonight is important because it is the night that you complete your first series of Star Trek. After tonight, Star Trek Mondays, you will have watched every episode of “Star Trek: Enterprise.” This has always been my plan my little monkey.
I know that you have just thought that watching Star Trek on Monday was just a way of spending time with your old man. And it was, but I admit, I had other motives. Because now that you have seen every episode of that series, you finally understand. I know that you are only 17 months old, but you are now wise beyond your years. You are a prodigy. You are watching Star Trek at a 3rd grade level and papa is very proud of you.
Tonight you will see the only episode that you have never seen. And I will hold you in my arms as we worship together. We will growl at Klingons, hiss at Romulans, and cheer for boldly going where no one has gone before. You will begin to see Star Trek things in every day life, like when grocery store door opens when we walk toward it. You will see new planets discovered every day and wonder which ones contain exotic life. And one day, you will see a colony on the moon and you will know that we have taken our first steps to that great universe that Star Trek Predicted.
So come my little one, let daddy cradle you in his arms as we complete this ritual. Next week, we will begin anther series, and another until you are completely enshrined in the way of the Trekkie.
And don’t worry about your mother, she will come around. Because she to believes in the magical. She too believes in something that others may scoff at. She is obsessive but she has not let you see this side yet. She is shy, but just wait my little 1st officer, you will begin to see her obsession of Nerdom, just like us. That is why she can’t judge us to harshly. That’s why she can’t completely turn away from the Trekkie because she understands on a deeper level. Ask your mother what comes out on July 21st and where we will be at 12:01am.
That’s right sweet pea, your mother is a Harry Potter dork. Let us embrace her.