What now?

What now. I'm sitting here alone, in my underwear, looking at the wall. Nothing is being destroyed. There are no screams of pain or joy. There is no glory being earned, no victory that is saught. I think I may eat a can of potted meat.

I dropped Bubba Hoss off at preschool a little bit ago. He was ready to go, asked to go, didn't even look at me when I dropped him off. I had to remind him that perhaps Dad would appreciate a god damn hug. Perhaps a high five if it's isn't to much to ask.

Then I left and came home. Little Hoss got on the bus and here I am, staring at the wall wondering what the hell comes next now.

I havent' had 4 hours to myself in a very long time. There is always someone pushing or pulling me, trying to pants me in the grocery store isle or throwing wads of food at my head. I am used to running around looking for potential danger zones while jumping over the claymore mines that my kids have left for me. I battle constant demands for more juice while cursing my backpack that smells like poo.

But now, the house is quiet. No screams, no injuries, no adventures.

I should be happy, right? I should look at this as a major milestone in my stay at home dad life. I vowed to get the kids into school and I am halfway there. Bubba Hoss goes to preschool twice a week for 4 hours a day. And during that time I'm supposed to do something although at the moment I can't really figure out what it is, thus the underwear and the wall.

I could look at porn, always a popular past time for a man in a house alone. But oddly, I don't much feel like it. I thought about doing some yardwork but without someone trying to start the lawnmower when my hand is underneath it, it sort has lost it's fun. I thought that some household projects would be great but who would put the glitter on it? I suck at glitter. It's wierd, I hate glitter and now I find myself missing it. Maybe I'll find a backyard pool that is empty and cover it in glitter and call over Ke$ha.

But that's no good, I don't have enough glitter for everyone and then it would just be awakward. I played some video games for a while but it lost it's challenge with no one walking in front of the screen and screaming "Dad, shoot him in the face!" I tried to get the dogs to do it but all they wanted to do was sniff my crotch. I appreciate the effort boys but I'm just not into it today.

So what I'm left with is eating some potted meat in my underwear. Sounds pretty manly, something that I could only do if I was alone. If my children where here they would want to eat it all by themselves and I wouldn't get any. If Hossmom was here she would be making gagging sounds while trying to talk to the divorce lawyer.

By myself though, it's a perfect activity to pass the time while I try to motivate myself to actually do something productive.

Like go to the grocery store, I do need to do that. It will be easy, no one pulling crap down from the shelves or begging me for candy.

And I do need a lot more potted meat, winter is coming and it might be a long one.

1 comment:

  1. Awww. You know what you should do? Punch yourself in the crotch. It'd feel like they were right there with you.