Let's play a game. It's a great game that everyone will love. It's better than any game you have ever played. It's better than Light Bright and peanut butter and jelly combined! If you don't know how to play, that's ok. Just follow along and jump in when you're ready.
It's called "Let's Piss Off Dad" and it's very easy to play. The 1st one that can get me to the breaking point earns an early bedtime! Ok, On your mark! Get set! GO!
"No! Get away from me! Don't touch me!" Oh, early points for Little Hoss by throwing a fit in a public place therefore making me look like either an incompetent parent or a kidnapper. Wow, starting off with the big guns. Good try but this only gets you a time-out by the chicken coop.
Ok, what's next? Rock throwing by Bubba Hoss. A little predictable I feel but still a good effort. Come on guys, you have to do better than that. I am a seasoned veteran. It's going to take more than that.
Now that's more like it. The double walk away combined with the not listening to me. You know that this is one of my pet peeves but again, an old trick that is easily dealt with. Those things around your neck, those are called shirt collars. God put them there so that I could control you. Try to keep that in mind when you start running and don't get very far.
Let's take this show on the road. And if one of you is going to win this game then you really need to step it up. I'm only at threat level orange here.
Now this one is pretty good. Constantly interrupting me when I"m trying to talk to your mother. You know I like to talk to her in the car and your constantly asking me where we are going is great. But I especially liked the "I want Baby Asher" mantra for the last 15 minutes combined with kicking my chair. Truly well done. But you didn't think this one out that well. Your mother's in the car with me and she always steps in when I'm getting too upset. But still a good try, I like your style.
Ok, let's see where we are at. Looks like it's a pretty even game here. So a good 1st half. Go in to the locker room and have a good halftime speech and let's go have dinner. We are having chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese. I'm up for a challenge, are you?
And now we have a tongue stuck out at me by Little Hoss. She appears to have taken her game up a notch. Can you match that Bubba Hoss? Oh, refusal to eat. But wait, there's more? Throwing the plate across the table. Nice combo little guy, that's the way to go. I'm getting close to the breaking point but not just yet. Let's do some bath time.
4th quarter you two, do you have anything left in the tank? Apparently so because I like the splashing and standing up in the tub. But ignoring me when I tell you to sit down, that's just dedication! I'm getting close, so very close.
But wait! Wow, did you see that! Bubba Hoss just threw a bath time plastic bucket right across the tub and smacked Littl Hoss right in the face! And look at that screaming my Little Hoss is doing! Man, she is wanting some vengeance. Wow, what a shot. She's screaming her head off, man that had to hurt. I think we have a winner! Wait, we have to do a booth review, let's just check it out. Yup, Dad's now pissed off at everyone and has reached his breaking point! (applaud now)
I'd like to thank our two contestants for an excellent game played! Now get your two little butts out of the tub and get in the bed.