"Dammit!" Little Hoss says. She then trys to stand up once again on the foot board of our bed. Again she can't keep her balance and falls back on the mattress. "Dammit!" She follows this routine for a good 5 minutes while the wife and I watch her. With every fall and every dammit my wife's look directed at me gets a little more mad, a little more unbelieving, and a little more judgemental.

Deer in headlights, that is my best description. At first I was just hoping that Hossmom wouldn't recognize the swear word, mark it up to a 3 year olds ramblings. After the fifth time she said it I was hoping that Hossmom would at least be proud that our daughter used it in the correct context. But after that I was hoping that I would just be allowed to build a defense as allowed by the constitution. I will be representing myself.

Several weeks ago the dumb dog went underneath the deck and wrapped it's leash around a post AND got into the mud. I was mad, as I feel anyone would be, and went to untangle her. This is an ongoing battle with me and the dog where the dog is winning and I am France. I bent over, rather quickly in my anger, to undo the leash. I did not realize that I was head level with the support beam. I nearly knocked myself unconscious and was bleeding from the head wound I suffered. I left the dog there. The kids saw me do this. I may have said "dammit" and a few other cusswords as I mopped up the blood but I really don't remember much. But if I did, I do think it is understandable given the situation.

A few days after that I was again on the deck walking up the stairs. I had just cleaned the inside of the garbage can. And to do a good job, as I am want to do as a great SAHD, I used the strongest cleaner I had, Oxyclean. It was a 5lb box of the stuff. I carried the box up the stairs, perhaps not using the proper caution, without really realizing that the stairs were wet. Without warning, my flip flops slipped, my shin came down hard and the entire 5lb opened box of Oxyclean flew into the air. The kids thought it was snow and began to try and play in it. Again, I feel that it was an appropriate use of language given the situation. Incidentally, that much Oxyclean does a fabulous job of killing grass.

I accidentally went into the women's restroom (as previously blogged)--dammit

My QB of my Alma mater threw an interception at a critical moment in the game--crap, shit, dammit dammit

My cat behead a mouse and left it on the porch where I stepped in it barefooted--gross dammit.

The kids decided to wake up at 5:30am and wanted peanut butter and jelly for breakfast--yawn, dammit, yeah ok peanut butter and jelly it is.

I bit my tongue, drawing blood, while eating salsa--thammit.

So my point is, and my defense against my wife's look, is that it could have been much, much worse. Hossmom wasn't buying this argument and as the sole member of the jury pool, I'm not liking my chances. I then begin to explain that this is a side effect of a daughter being raised by a stay at home dad. Men cuss a lot more and that this is not an issue of improper language but more of a issue of gender equality and role reversal. There should be some gender norming, that's all I'm saying. It should be considered. This argument may have worked if Little Hoss hadn't chosen that moment to start teaching her 2 year old brother the same word, which he now also likes to use.



  1. That is hilarious! My husband lets the "f" word fly in just about every sentence and I am just sure one day my kid will be the one in preschool teaching the other kids cuss words and I will be the one getting phone calls from the parents of these kids.

  2. My mom is visiting and decided to have a glass of wine, after all, it's 3 o'clock already. As she no longer has small kids she decided that the living room end table was a great place to put it. Little Hoss then tackled the table like a linebacker sending the red wine all over the carpet. I have no idea why she did this.

  3. When Hossmom was 3 she was filling sand buckets, turning them upside down to make a row of sand cones. Every time one collapsed the sweet curly headed girl in a yellow sundress snapped, "Damnit!" I suggest you use the genes defense - and point to her!