The Friday Five

5 Reasons Why You Should Not Go "Green" And Instead Let The World Go To Shit And Kill Itself.

1. "Come on you apes! You want to live forever!"--Johnny Rico, Starship Troopers. Oh Johnny, could I have said it any better myself? Now let's see some more of Dizzy with her shirt off.

2. "Bring out the Gimp"--Zed, Pulp Fiction. I feel for the Gimp. What kind of life is this. No one would benifit more than the Gimp. Tell you what, show your solidarity and go to a gas station, buy a 64 oz cup of soda in a Styrofoam nonbiodegradabile cup, drink it and then throw it in the nearest forest that you can. Help a brother out. All gimps need their pain to end.

3. "That son of a bitch took my pants."--Derelict in the Alley, The Terminator. Think of a future when Skynet comes online and gains self awareness. It uses the NATURAL RESOURCES of the Earth to create cyborgs to come back in time to steal our pants. Are we going to stand for this? Hell NO! Where's my damn SUV. Suck it up or give it up. Your pants I mean.

2. "Let's Pinch this turd off" Snake Oiler, Speed Racer. Hands down, one of the worst films every made and one of the worst lines of dialog ever written. Anywhere. Including insults that 5 year old boys write to girls with cooties. We are all responsible for this. Every single one of us. And as punishment, we need to perform hari-kari. It's the only way to make amends for it. Go around your house and turn on every single light you have while prank calling Al Gore .

1. "Now let's just drop them pants"--Mountain Man, Deliverance
"I bet you can squeal like a pig. Wheeeee!"--Mountain Man, Deliverance
"He's got a real pretty mouth on him, don't he"--Toothless Man, Deliverance
I would rather sacrifice the entire human race than take the very small chance that I would ever be caught in the mountains on a rafting trip and run into some no good perverted hillbillies wanting to use my ass as target practice for the Deep Schlong Run 2000. Money says that I'm not the only guy that feels this way.