Ode to a Grecian Led

Gather around children, I’ve got a story to tell.
It’s a story I knows and I knows it well
So grab your blankie, and get in nice and tight
Snuggle with your Elmo and turn down the light.

He’s a man, a legend, maybe even lore
He stands five foot ten but not one inch more
With a five o’clock shadow that starts at noon
A receding hairline but none to soon.

A chin carved by Zeus, the profile striking
The shoulders broad and the chest of a Viking.
The voice thunders with a slight southern pride.
And the gait rolls with a confident stride

It’s not Fred, it’s Led!
Big Bad Led!

He drives a Hummer, with an 8 grand trannie.
Sucks up the gas but it’s easy on the fannie.
He builds cars, that’s his trade
GM cars are the best that’s made.

He might judge you for your pussy import
Maybe even take you to the People’s court
Cause his cars bleed red, white and blue
His smile’s pretty because he likes to chew.

Course the Union folk he needs to settle
Dealing both with the pot and the kettle
But it’s not so easy making ‘em work
At least at lunch there’s time for a jerk.

It’s not Fred, it’s Led.
Big Bad Led!.

In his spare time he wrestles hogs
Pulling their tails while he steps on frogs
And then he might float down the river
All the ladies sigh “Led’s such a giver.”

But Sorry honeys, he’s no longer dating
He settled down and commenced a mating
She’s pretty hot, she needs no lube
He even paid for her fake new boobs.
A snappy dresser in his hunting plaid
And the creased khakis ain’t so bad
A drinking man who can boot and rally
Now pick up a shot, you fucking Sally.

It’s not Fred, it’s Led.
Big Bad Led!

Yet every hero has to fall
And our boy had to make a tough call
Dark at night, while the coyote howls
Our boy went forth, right into hells bowls

Riding four wheelers with a little beer buzz
His buddy in front passing back suds
When a ditch appeared where they were a muddin’.
And then the buddy disappeared, all of a sudden

Knowing his buddy had taken a spill
Big Bad Led started down the hill
He had to think quick, he had to be fast
Or his buddy’s time was quickly passed.

He slammed on the brakes, then started to skid
He had to be Hoss to do what he did.
A quick turn left and a quick turn right
He missed his buddy, what a frightful sight

He hit the ditch and he started to roll
And over the handlebars to pay his toll
His face hit the dirt and slammed mighty hard
It’s a story worthy of this humble bard

The smoke started to clear and the dust began to settle
His body lay there amongst the twisted metal
The smell of oil still hung in the air
The plain truth is, life ain’t fair

The injuries weren’t easy, and it weren’t so pretty
But you got no choice so far from the city.
To pay the price to save a friend
But this is not where our story will end.

He picked himself up and spit out his chaw
While the blood flowed and a crow cawed
Cuts and bruises needing more than glue
He bled proudly in the morning dew

He had two black eyes and a broken nose
And a jagged scar as the eastern sun rose.
Scraped and cut and mighty battered
But his friend was uninjured, that’s all that mattered.

So maybe now he ain’t so pretty
In the neon lights of the sinful city.
But he’s able to walk and tell his tale
And into the sunset he will sail.
It’s not Fred, it’s Led! Big Bad Led