Piss

“Daddy”

“Yes Honey.”

“Daddy.”

“Yes?”

“Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.”

“What?!”

“I Piss.”

“Um, what sweetheart?”

“I Piss.” Little Hoss points at her crotch.

“You mean Pants? Something’s wrong with your pants?” I say. Please god let it be the pants.

“No! Daddy, I piss.”

“Pantaloons? Like Pirates wear? You want to wear pirate pants?”

“No! Daddy, I Piss! Piss! Piss! Piss! Piss!” Now she has begun jabbing herself in the crotch.

I read somewhere that your child is a reflection of you. They pick up everything that you do and repeat it. I should have really paid more attention when I read that because there is only one person in this house that uses that word and I don’t think Hossmom will believe it when I tell her she learned it from her.

Hossmom is out right now, time for some damage control.

“No Honey. We don’t use that word anymore. It’s a naughty word. You say Potty.”

“Piss”

“Potty honey. Or how about number one?”

“Number one piss.”

Moan.

“Ok, how about Pee-Pee?”

“Piss, Piss, Piss!”

“Little Hoss! No piss! Say Bathroom or Potty or Piddle. No Piss!”

“Yes Piss.”

“No Piss!”

“Yes Piss!”

“Pants!”

“Piss!”

“Pajamas!”

“Piss!”

“Pie!”

“Piss!”

“Puppy!”

“Puppy piss?”

I’m so screwed when Hossmom gets home.