The Friday Five

5 Things You Should Provide to Buddies That help You Move

5. Pizza and beer. It's a given, right? And it's not considered two different things, it's one thing. It's like giving the poison and the antidote. If you only give one then you are kind of a dick.

4. Ice cold lemonade, preferably served to you by some hottie in a bikini and loose morals. It works out better if there are still 1 dollar bills stuffed into her G-string because she hasn't had time to go to the bank yet. She's a working girl, she's busy.

3. A big truck with a bench seat so you can say things like "I'm gonna jump in the cab good buddie and go on ahead to the men's club" Then you can spit and give yourself cool trucker CB names like T-bone and Reddog.

2. Lawn chairs so that you can sit and watch other guys lift heavy things. Then you give instructions to them like "Lift with your back" and "That ain't gonna fit in there." Then you act like you are getting up but only when someone is watching.

1. A crowd of people to Oh and Ah about all the heavy lifting you are doing and say things like "Wow, you must be really strong." Then they are so impressed that they call all their hot friends so that they can come on down and be impressed to. Maybe the shirt comes off, maybe it's hot outside, maybe I get a nice sheen going on my freshly waxed chest. Who knows what can happen in a move.

Editor's note: I've been watching way to much Skinimax.