The Friday Five

5 things that I can write because no one will read this shit anyway since its the day before July 4. I can pretty much pop off all I want here and it won't matter because you'll either be watching fireworks or drunk while naked, either way, be careful where you point that thing.

5. If those fucking teenagers catch my house on fire from the fireworks they are popping in the street, I will go to their house, kick them in the balls, take a shit in their closet, punch their mother for letting them, and then happily jerk off on every pillow they own. Seriously dude, I'm not fucking around here. And if you wake up my kid, then I'm making you come over until she goes back to bed. But before I do I'm feeding her soda and cocaine. Good luck with that buttholes.

4. Slut Bungwalla.

3. I look at my poop after I take a dump.

2. When I was a kid, my brother sister and I were riding in the back of a truck. We were on the tailgate. We hit a bump and my sister went flying. She was 5 years old. My brother grabbed her in midair and was barely holding on to her. I couldn't help because I was laughing to hard. For some reason, it was the funniest thing that I had ever seen. To this day, she won't let me live it down. It was like 25 years ago.

1. I'm not sorry that Micheal Jackson is dead. That's right, I don't much care. Musical genius, sure. Great dancer, ok if you say so. Liked to touch young boys, looks like it. That's right, I said it. He liked to dilly with their junk and I refuse to feel any remorse that someone like that is dead. Suck it. I used to investigate shit like this. I've seen what this does. So fuck him. And he named his kid Blanket. Who the fuck does that, what kind of parent is that? I've also read that 12 people of his fan club committed suicide. World's better off without you, please tell me you didn't reproduce first Sure, I know it's harsh. But I don't much care. We are ripping the governor that got a piece on the side but celebrated the life of a dude who liked them young and hairless. That makes no sense to me. Don't get me wrong, the governor is a douchebag too but doesn't compare to a pedophile. Need to get your priorities straight, that's all I'm saying.

Ah, now I feel better.

1 comment:

  1. I really didn't appreaciate the laughter! My life was flashing before my eyes and my last memories were to be of my older brother finding my despair commical. It was me and the pavement with my oldest brother's grasp slipping away. You forgot to mention Mom and Dad were riding comfortably in the truck with AC blowing full blast. I'll let you off the hook only b/c you have helped me move so many times.