Cribs

Welcome MTV, this is my home.

Yup, this is just temporary but we hope to able to pimp it out as much as possible. Let me show you around Ghetto Loving, as we call it.

Right here in the front room is the living room/dining room/play room/reading room/foyer/octagon/sun room. Since we don’t want to say that every time we show our home, we just call it The Great Room. This room shows the level of our pimpage by being able to combine so many rooms into just this one small room. At 1000 square feet for a family of 4 and 4 pets, we make sure everything is utilized to the maximum.

What I want to point out in this room is the big power chair in the middle. You see, not only do I make my godfather like decisions from this chair daily, such as what flavor we are going to go with at snack time, but we also use the chair to split the room in two so that the table is in the “dining room” and not the “living room.” I know, pretty cool, you don’t see that every day, do you?

If you look to the right you will see the armoire that we usually keep in the master bedroom but for reasons that will become clear, we have to keep it out here. Instead of keeping my TV and my Xbox in there, we use it for toys, books and the occasional cat puke that her highness deposits late at night.

If you come just past the great room you will enter our kitchen. How’s that for counter space? We might be able to fit a whole watermelon up there if we take the microwave off of it first. And yup, that’s the oven right over there in the corner, where there are no counters. Because honestly, who needs counter space when you cook?

Let’s take a look in the fridge. This is the best fridge that money could buy in 1979. Notice the lack of any cold air coming from the freezer, nice huh? Now what do I have in here, I know MTV always wants to know.

This here is the Cristal of powdered drinks. Crystal Light is cheap and comes 5 to a can. We drink this all week. Back in the middle there we also have the lunch meats mixed in with the vegetables and left over tomato soup. It’s what we call a space saving fridge, we try to be green in this house.

Let’s check out the one bathroom in the house, shall we? Please, don’t shut the door because it sticks and we might not be able to get back out. Not that we have made that mistake often because the bathroom is small enough that you can’t shut the door while you are making poops in here. So most of the time we leave it open and turn on the water so no one can hear our business. But be careful when you flush because when the dishwasher runs, the toilet won’t flush and overflows, so we have to be careful of that.

That’s also true of the shower. Whatever is washed down the kitchen sink has the potential to come up from the shower drain when the dishwasher runs so we just try to work around that.

Just outside the bathroom is the “master bedroom.” The mattress on the floor is so pimp, don’t you think? That’s were all the magic happens. Yeah, we couldn’t fit our actual bed in here so we just had to use the box springs and the mattress. It’s good for the circulation though, at least that’s what my wife tells me each morning as I roll to the floor to find my shoes.

The closet is almost big enough to fit a hanger, so we try to hang up a few things but as you can see we fold up most of our stuff and just put in on a shelf. It’s tough to get socks to stay up there but we manage.

Right across from room is the kid’s room. Say hi Little Hoss. “What’s up, homey?”

We keep both kids in here. We figure that it will make them closer as they grow up. This room actually works out pretty well. Sure the kids wake each other up each night around 3 am but competition to see who can scream louder really shows the bonds they are building.

Hey, MTV! Don’t go in that room!

We don’t go in that room much. See, we had planned to move into a bigger house but Hossmom’s company wanted us up here pretty quick so we just had to rent the first house we could. We decided to go on the cheap and save some money while we looked for a house. So here we are. This room here is used for storage, as well as the garage. I think it gives us a nice fire hazard look that I know the neighbors are just green over.

Let’s go to the backyard. Watch your head though, the electrical wires are very low strung so you have to duck a little or you are going to get shocked. My daughter has started to imitate me so that every time we go to the backyard we duck down together in a sweet father/daughter ballet.

Ok MTV, that’s my house. Hopefully we’ll be in our new house in a month as soon as Hossmom picks out one she likes. But that could take a while.

Now, GET OUT!