Toddler Chess

Bacon Hoss plays the first move, a bold move that is rarely seen in any chess course ever taught.  King to D5, the center square.  I've actually looked in a lot of chess databases and it turns out that I'm right.  I cannot find one single game where the King is played in the center on the first move.

Mostly because it's a massive illegal move as a king can't just jump over pawns but we are playing toddler chess and the rules are different.  Besides, I like his moxie.  Staking his claim on the most important square in the game sends a message.  Come at me bro.  I like it.

I move out my pawn to challenge his pawn.  He sees through my ploy and his next move catches me off guard.  He takes my pawn and puts it in his mouth.  Brilliant.  Spassky should have played in this style.  I think I may have a prodigy on my hands here.

I play knight to f3, a move that is seen as routine and almost always a given.  In 75% of games you will see this move, the knight moving slightly up and to the right of the king.  Our courageous piece will offer protection there while threatening the center.  It's a solid move.

Bacon plays rook to a3, capturing my dark squared bishop.  His piece flew through the air and magically transported itself there, it was breath taking.  We are not only rewriting the rules of chess but of physics here.  The nature of the universe will be changed forever after this game.  I do the only thing I can under such a serious threat to my queen.  I capture his rook and look him dead in his genius eyes.  I challenge him, how will he respond?

He moves my rook and takes my queen.  There is treachery on my own team!  I have been betrayed by a trusted piece!  My heart aches at such an act.  My trusted rook, the holder of open files and the king of the pin, a king pin if you will.  (I know, I just made a chess joke.  It's very funny and I realize that I am totally showing my nerd here but it is a chess post after all.  A pin is actually a chess tactic and if you can "pin" another piece......forget it, I'm not explaining it.  Read a book.)

With my queen gone my options become limited.  I fear though that my boy has blundered badly.  My knight still threatens his king in the center.  The game is mine.  He played with emotion which is always a bad way to play chess.  He went for the decoy of the queen but at the expense of his own safety.  I smile in the way that you do when you know the game is up and your opponent springs the trap.  I take his king with my knight.

The king is resurrected!  I removed his king from the board and leaned back in my chair.  I apparently can defeat those that subvert nature's laws and goodness is restored.  However, it seems that there was a trap laid withing a trap.  Bacon Hoss takes his king back when I was basking in my glory and uses it to push my own king off the board.  His king has come back from the dead to rule the board now.  With his secret weapon of the Jesus King the game is over.  It is over because my king does not have those special abilities.  My king can not come back mainly because at this point Bacon Hoss has taken that king and run away into the stacks of the library.  He's like the Kaiser Soze of chess.

Defeated, humiliated, in front of a crowd of on lookers I reset the board because chess decorum still rules.  I analyze the game over and over in my head and try to figure out where I went wrong.  What move did I make that opened me up to such a vicious attack.  We may never know because as I feel like I'm coming close to an answer I hear books falling off shelves.

That would be one of mine.  He has left chaos on the chess board and now he is leaving chaos in the library.  I fear that he will not stop until the world is his and honestly, I want to give it to him.

Right after I clean up the mess.

1 comment:

  1. I just want to thank you. As a single father of a 2yr girl I find myself discouraged at some points. I pull up your blog and read a few entries and find comfort that I'm not the only one. You're stories are a comic relief in a stress filled life.