I Am Thankful.

I am thankful for my wife and my children. I am thankful that they are all healthy and happy and think that I rock.

I am thankful that I have a roof over my head, good food on the table and a dog that sounds great barking but is actually a massive wuss.

I am thankful that Lindsey Lohan is doing playboy. I am thankful that alcohol exists and so do hot idiot celebrities.

I am thankful that my children no longer eat dog food.

I am thankful sports exist and that the NBA is on a lockout because I hate professional basketball.

I am thankful that some weird old guy showed up my house and asked if he could pick up all the black walnuts from my backyard. I am also thankful that he didn't ask me to join in any weirdo reindeer games that he would be playing with those walnuts. Naked.

I am thankful that winter is here and everyone's yard looks like shit now because it's all dead. I am thankful that I don't talk to my neighbors more because that may not turn out to well given the state of my yard the last couple of summers. Which reminds me to be thankful when cities give out water restrictions so no one can water their yards so now it looks like mine. I win.

I am thankful that Hossmom has a job she loves and gets to travel to cities that she finds interesting instead of other cities, like Cleveland.

I am thankful that Cheetos's come in handy little lunch sizes so that I can easily steal them from my daughter without them really noticing anything is gone.

I am thankful that my fat dog eats all the food that the kids drop from the table with the exception of broccoli which I can't really blame them for.

I am thankful that for Dear Abby because every time I read it I am assured that there are way more weirdo people out there that have way more weirdo problems than I do.

I am thankful of new tires because that it was all old men are thankful for because it shows that even though life has beaten us down, new tires are always cool.

I am thankful for leaked sex tapes and the ignorance and stupidity of the people that do them.

I am thankful for jilted ex boyfriends. No relation to the above mentioned thankful topic. Maybe a little.

I am thankful that there is such a thing as a DVR and that it records sporting events that can be watched after 10 pm.

I am thankful for juice because it's good.

I am thankful for cake because it's better than juice.

I am thankful that someone invented a catapult and we have taken such a destructive weapon of war to now make it throw watermelons.

I am thankful for potato guns to0 as one of the top most useless but awesome inventions.

I am thankful that my wife buys all my clothes for me and that one day my daughter will grow up and do the same thing.

I am thankful the dollar aisle at the store that sells plastic crap toys.

I am thankful for turkey and the sweet goodness that will soon be heaved upon my plate in a challenge to finish it all. I am thankful for gluttony.

I am thankful that I have finally started writing that book that I kept meaning to and I am thankful that the first chapter made my wife laugh.

I am thankful that Harry Potter exists even if it is only on paper.

But most of all, I am thankful that I have found someone who "gets me", who encourages me everyday and allows me to see her naked whenever I want.