Two Teens At The Pool

The girl is probably about 16 although my ability to tell ages sucks. She came to the pool with what I assume is her boyfriend, a young lad that seems very proud of his truck. He did his mandatory "I'm awesome" jump into the pool to impress his girlfriend. She's young enough that it did impress her.

For the last 10 minutes they played little flirting games before settling down on the bench that is built into the pool. It's big enough for two young people and their games. Since setting up residence there they have been edging closer and closer to each other.

I was 16 once and I know whats about to go on under water. He'll move closer, she'll giggle, he'll make his move and they both will laugh at how clever they are.

Or I'm just a total crotchety old man now that no longer trusts young people. It happens when you become a parent. In their heads, I'm sure the song Hungry Eyes is playing, or whatever other Dirty Dancing equivalent exists for teenagers now a days.

I like my public neighborhood pools like I like my movies--G rated and no adult situations. I could do something about this, such as firing a tranq in Mr. Hands over there. I'm sure father's every where would appreciate my attempts to up hold virtues. However, I have no intention of doing anything myself.

I don't have to because I have minions and my minions are well trained. They love doing cannon balls from the top rope.

By the time the girl looks up from the enchanting eyes of Mr. Hands, it's already to late. Little Hoss has already filed her flight plan with Control Tower Dad and has received clearance for take off. By the time the two teens realize what's going on, Little Hoss is already airborn and is starting her re-entry.

She lands with a huge splash about a foot away from them and has succeeded in quenching the lustful duo. She pops her head up, spits water at them, and says "Hi!" It's all about first impressions.

The teens look around for the parent of the now annoying child. Hi, I'm right over here kiddos. The guy reading the book and I have no intention of calling off my minion. This is state sanctioned and I even wave at my daughter. Yes, Dad knows exactly what's going on.

Little Hoss decides that they are all now best friends and sits between them on the bench. She tells them that sh is 5 years old and is going to school soon. She also tells them that she can do spins in the water. She spends the next five minutes doing the spins and demanding that they watch her and comment on her water acrobatics.

I know that I am coming off like the dad from Foot Loose here. But I also know that if you are old enough to catch that movie reference that you probably have children yourself now and fully support my inaction. Look, I'll even ease up a bit. I tell you what, I will be ok with all manner of dancing at my pool as long as there isn't any fucking going on. See, I'm reasonable. More so than my daughter who is now showing them how she can touch the bottom of the pool. Your attention is required.

The teens are playing along and being nice but after 15 minutes of this they have moved away from her to the really deep end of the pool. They think that they can resume their touching/flirting/statutory activities. But yet, I have done a remarkable good job of teaching Little Hoss to swim and the deep water has no fear for her. She can do even better spins in the deep water! Would they like to see? I'm a dick but a remarkably well prepared one.

Little Hoss is getting tired now and I think that the teens know it. But no worries, I just put Bubba Hoss in his swim jacket and handed him his dual action water guns. We call him "Dead Justice" and I've told him that there are some varmints in his pool. With his swim jacket on, he won't get tired for hours.


  1. This just confirms that children are a natural form of contraception. Even if they are not your own.