A Foot In The Ear

Today we will explore the question of why a foot in my ear does not feel good. A complex question that will truly expand one's mind and make you rich and powerful or at least let you get a good night's sleep.

First off, we all know that jamming a foot in the ear at 6:30 in the morning will in fact wake me up, thus this part of the equation does prove valid. However, I still submit that it does not feel good to be jabbed in the ear by a big toe digging deep. You have to ask yourself by doing this action, what will my mood be when I do wake up. Will I be peaches and cream, ready for hugs or will I start mindlessly tossing young children out of the bed. Most likely I will choose option number 2 which will result in crying and and then no one feels good thus proving part 1 of why a foot in the ear hole does not feel good.

Next, let us consider the smell of the before mentioned foot. As a toddler's foot, it spends it's days in sweaty sandals in 100 degree weather. It walks around in dirt and occasionally comes into contact with dog feces. There is also a very high probability of spit or dog slobber on the foot. When this foot marinates over night, the resulting smell can be described as a class 4 toxin. Or to put it in child vernacular you can understand, they're stinky and the fumes burn my nostrils. I offer this as further evidence that a foot in my ear not only does not feel good but it also doesn't smell good either.

Finally, let us take into account the delicate nature of the ears in general and look at the result of it being constantly smashed by toenails that need a good trimming. Repeated injury to the ear region by un-cut toenails can result in what is known by the boxing term as "cauliflower ears". This has the unpleasant result of making me look like Chunk from the Goonies and I do not enjoy Baby Ruth candy bars.

I believe that I have successfully described why a foot in the ear does not feel good. So in conclusion, please knock it off, I'll be up in a minute.

Tomorrow we will examined the possibility that getting smacked in the face by a Barbi doll feels worse than a foot in the ear.