Your Shoes

Hi guys. It's Dad.

Look, I know we've all been under alot of stress lately. Hossmom is starting a new job. Little Hoss can't seem to resist cutting random crap with scissors. And Bubba Hoss, well son, no you can't play with my Iphone anymore because some how you made an account in Luxenburg.

Things will settle down, I promise. And I'm going to help you all, as much as I can.

For example, see that thing over there in the corner? Yes, the one I'm pointing at. Yes the one I have been pointing at for the last month. The one that looks like a basket. Yes, that's the one.

That's called a "shoe basket." I know, weird term. I'm not sure where it came from but I think it's Latin for "Put Your Damn Shoes Here." Or something close to that.

A shoe basket is used to put shoes in when you are no longer wearing them in the house. So let's say you come into the house from a long day at the office. You take your shoes off. Then you walk away. Wait, see, that's what we're missing. We're missing a step there. See, when you take your shoes off, THEN you put them in the shoe basket. See how that works.

I know, it can be confusing. So let me help you out by telling you where shoes do not go.

Shoes do not go into my lap when I'm sitting down. It's not a magical portal that ends in a shoe basket. Shoes do not go at my feet next to my chair. This is not the shoe chair. We are aiming for the shoe basket.

They do not go at the foot of the couch. They do not go in the middle of the hallway. They do not go, for some reason, in the vegitable drawer in the refridgerator.

High heels do not belong on the table, the counter or the bed. Race car shoes that light up do not need to get thrown at my head. And princess slippers defiently do not belong in the dog food bowl.

These things go in the shoooooeeeeee bbbbbaaassskkkkeeeett.

So let's talk about what doesn't belong in the shoe basket.

Purses do not belong in the shoe basket. Half eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches do not belong in the shoe basket. Dog vomit does not belong in the shoe basket although I admit that it wasn't you guys who did that. Well, maybe not.

Now I'm sure I'm as big as a problem as anyone else. After all, I actually own just 1 pair of shoes. Well, 2 if you count my slippers. And I'm sure that they create as big of a mess as the three thousand pairs of shoes that I currently see that don't even remotely fit my feet.

If we can all just pull together I'm sure I won't have to kick anyone out of the house.