I sat back basking in the glow of the preschool teachers praise of my child. Yes, that's my daughter, smart as hell. Genius level although I admit that I may be biased. But the teacher is right, my daughter knows her numbers and I'll take the praise. I know that it's because I am a SAHD, that I have quit the rat race to teach her greatness. To mold her and insure that when she accepts her award for being most awesome person alive that she thanks me, most awesome dad ever.
Then the teacher asks me how I did it. How do I manage to teach my daughter material before they get to it in class. How have I taught her to count so well?
That's right, zombies.
Go ahead and judge me, I don't care. And when the hungry hoard shows up to your unprepared house, feel free to judge me while they are having your brains with some fava beans.
Here's the difference. You'll hear "Dad, there's an unknown number of zombies at the front door and some more coming through the window. How many? I don't know, I can only count to 5. So more than 5." By that time, it's already to late for you.
On my side it will be much different. "Whiskey Tango, this is Bravo Turkey. We got 8 bogey's coming down the tunnel. I repeat, that's 8. 8, looks like a snowman without a hat. Coming down the tunnel. Also be advised that there is another 12 hanging out in the backyard chasing Jeff the Squirrel. Confirm Whiskey Tango, that's a 1 and 2 put together in the backyard chasing Jeff. 1 and 2 together make 12. Bravo Turkey out."
Boom, that's how it's done boys and girls.
I understand that my methods are unorthodox, maybe perhaps even radical. I think that I'm just ahead of the curve and you chumps haven't caught up yet. But you better hurry, the dead won't stay dead forever.
However, they aren't the only threat that we have to face in the future, if all the movies and video games are correct, and I believe that they are. So we vary our teaching method from time to time. Sometimes we count aliens, slimy looking things that sometimes swim very fast and like to stand out in the open. For some reason, they don't hide very well. And cyborgs, always got to worry about cyborgs. Skynet is just around the corner.
But sometimes it's Barbies.
Little Hoss insists that the Barbies are princess warriors sent to help us. Good, we could always use the reinforcements to make up for those of you that don't count Zombies. Now if we can get Strawberrry Shortcake to get off her butt, we're in business.