The Friday 5

Just 5 Things. No particular theme, just some observations.

1. I wish that the people of Walmart would understand just one thing. It is not ok to stop for a fucking family reunion in the middle of the bread aisle. Or the breakfast aisle. Or by the God Damn milk. Walmart is not the place to catch up, so stop it. Do not park your cart across the whole aisle while you and no teeth Jim decide who should get the kid tonight and talk about Grandma's goiter. I don't even know what that is but I know she's got it because I spent a good 10 minutes listening to the conversation while I was trying to break their Israeli blockade. Listen guys, there are people behind you. You've seen them. We are the guys giving you the dirty looks that say "For Fucks Sake! All I want is some jelly could you please move your camo wearing ass so I can get it!" I don't know why the aisle blockers flock to Walmart like hillbilly's descend upon moonshine, but they do. So please, fucking move.

2 I wish that someone would help that pug face girl that reports the news. I usually am not into looks and what not, because I'm way more highbrow than that. I drink wine and eat cheese. Ok, no I don't but I know people who do. But every time that girl comes on the TV I want to throw a dog biscuit at it. I know, it's horrible and I feel bad about it But I can't help it. Seriously man, she looks like a pug.


3. I wish someone, somewhere, could actually predict the weather. Let's be honest man, we're just guessing at the point.

4. I wish that Old McDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O. And on this farm he had my cat. E-I-E-I-O And on this farm with this cat, Old McDonald would feed it to his chickens because she's evil and won't stop shitting everywhere in the house every time her precious little feelings get hurt. Seriously, I hate you cat. Go away.

5. I wish that when my daughter is older she won't hate me or think me uncool because I have put up on wall, as decoration, a grave rubbing of Jessie James. I know, not very little girlie. But we had fun. Once she gets into pink and makeup, I'm screwed.