The Friday Five

5 things that are smarter than my very dumb, dumb dog who keeps getting her leash tied around the deck while chasing a squirrel that she will never catch because her leash doesn't go that far. Nope, she hasn't figured this out yet. It's been a year.

5. The Squirrel. Yup, it is actually smarter than my dog because it doesn't choke itself like it's got some auto-erotic fetish every time something crosses it's path. A creature that eats nothing but nuts all day every day and can't figure out how to not get hit by a car is smarter than my dog.

4. Murphy Brown. I'm not really going anywhere with this but needed some filler so Ms. Brown gets the nod because she used big words in her TV show and to the best of my knowledge never tried to eat her own poop.

3. A rock. A rock is smarter than my dog because it doesn't pretend to be anything but a rock. It's content laying on the ground and not dry humping the other dog in the house who happens to be male. My dog is a female and hasn't figured out how the parts work which really makes me wonder why I had her fixed in the first place.

2. There was once a guy that strapped a jet engine to a VW bug and took off. As you would expect, the breaks burned out and the guy ended up crashing into a side of a mountain, killing himself. He won a Darwin Award for this great achievement of stupidity. He is smarter than my dog. My dog makes him look like an actual rocket scientist.

1. The support post on my deck. Let's face it, a mindless post is way smarter than my dog. Because every day it somehow entices her to wrap herself around it within 10 minutes of going outside. It doesn't say anything, it doesn't do anything and apparently that is enough to convince my dog that it should wrap herself around it like a twizzler. It appears that there is something "dumber than a post" and it lives in my house, sleeps on my bed and drinks out of my toilet. The Fat Newt wins again.

1 comment:

  1. Our bull terrier, Meeko, isn't the smartest. He has chipped his teeth by eating rocks. He has worn down the points of his teeth doing this. If you give him a beach ball or soccer ball - any kind of big ball- he will chase it around the yard, all by himself, until his face is red, cut up, and he can't breathe. And then he will keep going.