I know Kung Fu

That used to be my table.  I want to say that the children did this.  It would be an easy lie to tell.  Perhaps if it was our dinner table, I would just to shield me from the embarrassment of breaking a table all on my own. My children have the past history of breaking everything and it wouldn't be a stretch of the imagination to pin this one on them.  I can't though, because then I would anger life and life has shown me that should I mock it, it will come down hard on me.  Very hard.

I wrote a blog a couple of days ago.  About how we seemed to finally getting ahead, how we seem to be making progress as a family towards our goals. About through sacrifice and determination we are crawling one inch more at a time so that there is finally light at the end of the tunnel.  I wrote that.  I thought it was decent, a little funny, somewhat of a victory speech.

Then the dryer broke.  That was the first counter punch by life.  The first salvo to keep me from getting cocky.  Thought that maybe you are getting just a tad ahead?  Wrong, life doesn't like that so in response, the dryer breaks.

So I went to fix the dryer.  I jumped on youtube, plugged in the headphones and by the end of it, I knew kung fu and how to fix the dryer.  Youtube is our version of the matrix. Spend an hour on there and you can learn to fly a helicopter.  There came a moment later in the day where I had the entire dryer torn apart.  The front was laying against the wall, the top was off and I even took the drum out.  Those come out very easily by the way.  I even had a whole blog planned about this.  The kids were helping by sitting on my back while I dug through the dryer motor.  They would hand me tools, most of which I didn't ask for.  After an hour and 7 bucks for parts, I repaired the dryer.  I was victorious.

Then I had to replace the toilet because now I was fighting back against life.  The toilet never quite worked well so I replaced it.  This was a simple job compared to the space shuttle like dryer.  So with the kids on my back once again, I made a home repair.  I had to replace the water line as well as it was to short.  I upgraded our toilet to have a higher throne for his comfort.  An hour later, the toilet was replaced.  Take that life.

The empire decided to strike back.  I had done all this withing budget, not digging any deeper holes, house harmony persists.  But life wasn't through with me.  In fact, life was just getting warmed up.

My car broke yesterday.  It would appear that I have a leak somewhere in the power steering fluid lines.  I'm not actually sure where.  When I woke up and went to take a short trip with the kids, the steering got very hard to turn.  Upon further examination, I found a huge green spot on the garage floor.  I checked the power steering fluids and there were none.  This is not good.  I need the car.  I'm stuck at home without the car.  I do not like being stuck at home, that's not good for the stay at home dad's mental status.  Do I get on youtube and see if I can matrix the car?  The funny thing is that it only needed to last for 2 more weeks as that is when we are getting a new car and I won't be rushed into a deal that is not good.  I've been down that road, it's called being 25 and I won't go back.

And then the table that I broke myself.  There is a leaf in the middle of the table that wasn't fitting quite right. It wasn't lining up just right.  It's the table that we let the kids color on, an old table that I don't care if it gets scratched or paint.  The kids love it, it was a good solution.

So I pushed down on the leaf, not that hard actually and boom, it folded like a hooker getting punched in the stomach.  It wasn't a slow descent.  It was a booming crash that caught my leg with splinters as it went down.   Shards of wood went flying and the sound echoed through the house.  The kids came running in and we stood there looking at the broken table, life's last salvo against us.

I'll admit, I was about to cry or laugh, I wasn't sure which.  So I laughed, like a maniac while I stood there looking at something else that is broken in the house.  I told the kids "Shit happens" and they looked at me because I then told them that they could say it, just this one time.  Awesome parenting too.

I walked away to the couch.  I'm done, life wins.  How much more can I fix, how much more can I rescue?  I'm going to sit on the couch and watch South Park.  Fuck it, no more.

From the other room though I heard my daughter crying.  I went back in and asked her what was wrong.  She said she didn't have a place to do her pictures anymore and she was sad.  I hugged her but she kept crying.  Fine, life can punch me in the balls, I can take it.  But not my daughter, not my kids.

My father once told me that a piece of wood isn't smarter than me.  Good advice.

Kids, go get daddy's toolbox, let's kick life in the balls.

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