With Little Hoss

I'm sitting here at night, almost 10pm, with my daughter. She can't sleep because she says that she is scared. I want to call bullshit on this. I really do. I can't though, because she is my daughter and if I'm wrong then I will be a massive prick. Well, that and let's all just admit this simple truth, my daughter is something of a Daddy's girl that can easily make me do anything she wants It's true. I know it, you know it and she certainty knows it.

Type "Hi" Little Hoss.


She likes when all the letters are big like that and she can never just hit the button just once. She comes close to jamming the keys so hard that I'm pretty sure that the neighbors can hear us typing tonight. For a quick distraction, so I can finish this, I'm going to give her a butterfly knife and tell her to practice her ninja skills. She's a bit sleepy right now so the challenge should be substantial. Now seriously though, I'm not a bad parent. I'm not an idiot.

I tell her to make sure she is careful and doesn't stab her brother.

Now back to the scared thing. Is she really scared of the dark? I think she truly is but she is also devious, probably learned that from the monsters that she is sure are lurking in her closet or under her bed.

Most nights when this happens though, I am oddly ok with coming up to bed with her for a bit. It's usually a nice quiet time where we reflect on the days lessons, such as shooting zombies in the kneecaps doesn't kill them, but does slow them down.

We have moved into "Mom and Dad's" room, the forbidden bed of awesomeness. I again shouldn't let her do this. But Dad is way more comfortable in his king sized bed. Besides we all know what's going to happen when Dad comes up. Everyone wants to get into bed with dad because he is covered in fur. This fur provides an extra bit of comfort on a cold night. I used this line on the ladies in college. Sleep with me, I'm warm. It only worked once and the result is two kids. I just happened to find the right lady who gets very, very cold at night.

The dogs will follow me up, they follow me every where, probably they want to see my reactions when I find out they shit on the floor again. My son will come in, he made it in about 5 minutes ago, because if his sister gets snuggle time then so will he. He will be dead asleep and yet the minute I come upstairs, it's "Hi dad, I'm coming!"

Eventually Hossmom will find her way up as well. The bed will be nice and warm and with any luck both kids will actually be asleep. However, she has to fight through the dogs to find her spot in the bad.

And in the end, everyone will be laying on a part of me. You would think there would be parts of me that would not be laid on or covered. This is actually not true. Because if my daughter is scared then her Barbies must be scared to. Thus they must come into bed with us and lay on dad so that he can keep the monsters away. It's not so much just "Barbies" anymore. Through the birthdays, Christmas and random present days, they have pretty much turned into a clan that are constantly naked and often their heads pop off. So while I'm comforting my daughter, begging my dogs not to shit on the floor, telling my son that he can snuggle, and making room for Hossmom, I am also repairing decapitated Barbies.

This is what it's like now. My family and their assorted stuff. Hossmom has a book. Eventually she will use part of me to prop it up. My daughter and her Barbies (she's finally asleep), my son and his metal cars that love to poke me in the side, and my dogs and their massive gas bombs. They will all be asleep in about five minutes, smushed up against Dad and his fur.

I can barely move, which will be a problem if the monsters do come.

And yet, this is about the most perfect place in the world on any given night.


  1. Oh man, I am told we got monsters in the attic, never seen or heard one myself but who am I to argue? I am just there for my little man because you never know when one will make an appearance. Know what I mean Hossmam?

  2. We co-sleep, so I feel your pain - and joy.