Hossman VS. The Oscars

Hey, what you doing?

Watching the Oscars.

Ok. I'll watch with you.

You don't like the Oscars.

I like you.


Who's that.

Kate Winslet

Who's that.

She was in Titanic.

Great rack, got it. Who's that.

Penelope Cruz.

Ok. What did you do today.

I went to lunch with a girlfriend. Remember, you were with the kids.

Did you lez out?


Sorry, did you have an alternative lifestyle experience.

Ok, you are creeping me out and I'm trying to watch the Oscars.

I'm just saying, if you did, I would like to know.

Go away.

I gave Little Hoss a lot of candy today. I bet she's still up. Let's go get the kids up.

Quiet. Seriously, I'm trying to watch the Oscars.

Bubba Hoss bit the cat.

Ok, did you handle it.

Yup, I told him to cook it first so he doesn't get worms or any weird cat diseases.

Very funny now go away.

I'm going to poke you now.


I'm bored.

Well go be bored somewhere else. They are fixing to start and I want to finish the red carpet.

I love our carpet.

You are a freak.

I love lamp.

I'm about to divorce you.

I'd get the kids and the house. I'm a better person than you.

You'll get a fat lip is what you'll get.

Domestic violence to boot. I'm going to document this ya know.

And once the judge finds out you were ruining my Oscars he'll throw you in jail.

I've never been to jail because I'm a good person.

You are good at getting in my way.

Let's go back to the poking conversation.

I don't want to have any conversation with you.

Let's talk about the dresses then. Any ugly ones.

Yes, god yes. The one that Reece Witherspoon is wearing.

I like it. In fact I love it.

That's why you are not allowed to dress the kids.

I'm still bored. Let's thumb wrestle.

Seriously, go away.

I'll go away and stop bugging you if you thumb wrestle me and you win. Then I'll go away.

No. Go away and I'll forget that you are ruining Oscar night.

Let's go do it.

You are a wierdo and now you are a weirdo who's bugging me during my Oscar night.

You don't find me attractive. Why don't we talk or spend time together anymore

Are you insane, we see eachother all the time.

We could see more of eachother.

Are you kidding me?! During the entire football season I tried to spend more time with you. I tried to get you to turn those stupid games off and talk with me. But no, you said you HAD to watch your games and that I was bugging you................




  1. thank you. I must admit, this is one of my favorites that I've written in a while. Hossmom, however, did not like the Lez out comment, demanding that it be changed. Censorship! Censorship! I have my integrety!

  2. I laughed so hard at your, "lez out" comment. I had to read it to my husband, he is just like that!