Personal Spin Control

I am not fat, I am big boned.

I am not lazy, I am aggressively seeking napping opportunities

I do not procrastinate, I thourghly plan for tomorrow.

I am not bald, I am conserving hair.

My kids do not watch to much t.v., they absorb culture

My house is not dirty, we cultivate fungus.

I do not have fat feet, I have a wide base for support.

I do not have bad fashion sense, I am setting my own trend.

My daughter is not destrcutive, she is constructing new works with the given materials at hand.

I do not neglect my kids, I am teaching them to be self sufficient.

I do not eat to many girl scout cookies, I am conducting quality control tests.

I do not have weak ankles, I have delicate features.

I do not play video games to much, I am acting as a role model to millions of nerds.

I do not cuss to much, I am a straight shooter.

That's not a mole, that's a beauty mark.

Those are not ear hairs, those are little shots of brillance pouring out of my skull.

I do not have body odor, I have a personal manly musk.

My pants do not have holes, they have proper ventalation.

I am not a house mom, I am the XO of a high powered machine.

My son does not throw food on the floor, he is testing the aerodynamics of meat.

I am not a blogger, I am a social scientist commenting on complexities of the American family.


  1. My son also tests the aerodynamics of meat, along with veggies, fruits, puffs,and paint.

  2. personal manly musk. HA! Too funny.