Captain Caveman

Last night my daughter went as a lion for Halloween. It was a very cute little outfit, I’ll admit. It had a hood with a mane, big ears and a tail. The little costume was sleeveless and came down to her waist. Basically, it was a fur parka.

She looked very cute and my dad heart just soaked it up. Then my daughter decided that she was hot and took off the hood. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing but seeing it I was. Without the hood on it looked like my daughter was wearing some fur poncho, but remember it was sleeveless. So now she looked like she was a white trash hippy wearing a sleeveless poncho. And then it hit me: She looked exactly like Captain Caveman.

I ushered Hossmom over and pointed at my daughter. “Look!” I said, “She looks just like Captain Caveman!” It was one of the funniest things because I think it was so unexpected. Seriously, all I had to do was give her a club and she would be Captain Caveman. She was about the right size and her hair was all frizzy from the hood. I couldn’t stop laughing, it was great. Captain Caveman, right in my house, I’m so honored.

Then my wife said: “Who’s Captain Caveman?”

I was speechless. What do you mean who’s captain caveman?? Immediately I felt sorry for my wife and the child hood that she must have had. I remembered that she was to busy reading Flowers in the Attic and not enough time in front of the TV watching the Hanna Barbarah Cartoon Hour.

Out of the both of us, it’s universally agreed that my childhood was a little bit more rugged. I grew up in southern Arkansas, got licks daily, got into real fist fights with my big brother, had to pick acres of squash by hand, stacked bricks and lumber until my arms would fall off, mowed 3 acres of lawn with a push mower, slaughtered hogs and chickens and basically lived in the woods before we got civilized. My wife on the other hand was not allowed to eat sugar cereal.

I think that at that moment I felt more pity for my wife and decided that I would never have swapped childhoods, not in a heartbeat. My wife, the pop culture queen, had no idea who Captain Caveman was. I would place money that she also doesn’t know who the Grape Ape was either. Seriously, these were some of my childhood fixtures and I find it sad that Hossmom had no idea who it was.

And I found it even more sad that she couldn’t see the resemblance of my daughter in her costume to Captain Caveman. For me, I was voting that we keep the hood off all night and she go as Captain Caveman which is way cuter than a silly old Lion. I mean, come on, maybe I go out into the back yard and get her a stick for a club, put a little cape on her and whammo, we have the Neanderthal right here in my house. My daughter already eats dirt and dog food and with the sleeveless fur, how far away from caveman are we really? All she need to do now is learn how to make fire and carve out a wheel from stone and we are basically at that level

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