Natalya

I had found Natalya when she was caste aside like so many other beautiful and young things.

She was not wanted and you could see the hurt painted across her. She was plump but firm with a cheery sense of knowing how to please a man. She was soft against my face and wrapped tight within my arms.

But she was unwanted and tossed to the side of the bedroom like so many used pieces of fabric but I could tell that she still had some life in her.

My world was very different before I had met Natalya. I slept in a bed often crowded by my bed hogging wife, my bed hogging dogs, my neurotic cat and my explorer daughter. This left only a small section of bed for myself which was soon christened Hossmaniaville.

It was a quiet section of the bed that enjoyed late night readings and the occasional video game tournaments. It’s borders were constantly put into question by the random foot or the marauding mutt that had to chase the cat, but it was my home and my acreage.

Although it had the smallest landmass of the entire bed continent it contained the greatest mass of people and this would often cause problems with neighboring countries. I constantly attempted to push my boundaries and give my legs and arms a place to spread and call their own.

I withstood numerous attacks and hits to my neither region by the various factions that warred around us and made life the best that I could.

And then Natalya appeared and my world changed.

She was a gift from the Hippie sister in law when my wife was first pregnant. She was about 4 feet long with good stuffing. She was a young and up and coming body pillow and she had hopes and dreams of making it to the big time. Her New York was always just a wish away.

But the Hippie Sister in Law had no more use for her since the Hippies gave birth to their first child. And so she was packaged as a gift to my pregnant wife like she was some sort of thing that could just be given away instead of cherished.

My wife took the body pillow and attempted to get along with Natalya but it just didn’t seem to be working for her. This type of pillow is supposed to make you more comfortable when you are pregnant but my wife just couldn’t get used to the sweetness that was Natalya.

So one day, when I was minding my own business, I was walking next to the bed and I saw her very roughly pushed in the corner. My heart went out to her. What did she do to deserve this? What did she do to bring on the uncaring wrath of my wife? Was she not good enough? Did her pale tan color not go with the drapes? I cannot answer those questions but I know that they do not matter because I took Natalya for myself.

It was an awkward romance at first, with her being a pillow and me being a handsome man. But we both had needs that no one else could understand.

You see, I am a lounger when I sleep. I like to throw my legs and arms over anything and everything. It is my way of showing ownership over my kingdom. I like to throw a leg over the wife, a foot over the dog and lay my head down on the cat. Mostly because these people do not give me any room to spread out.

But I have paid the price for this as one of my previous blogs have suggested. The scratches, the hits, the horror of it all.

That and my wife gives off the weirdest body heat you have ever seen. It’s freakish. She will claim that she is freezing while at the same time I can see the heat waves radiating away from her. In the winter months, this is great as I have a built in electric blanket. In the summer months, this is a bit of an inconvience as I tend to get second degree burns.

In the summer, I do not use any covers. I just lay on the top of the covers and let her heat warm me. It’s like sleeping in the south pacific with the native ladies. If I have a cool breeze, I’ll sleep like that all night.

But there are dangers if I get to close, like possibly having my insides cooked like a stew. I needed a barrier and in walked Natalya, with her fuzzy covering.

Natalya just needed to be wanted and appreciated. She just wanted someone who could look at her and see the beauty and comfort that lay inside. We found each other and for the last 15 months we have been inseparable.

Every night I find her in her little hiding places. She is quite the game-playing minx every night before we go to bed. She may be behind the headboard or under the bed, but she is always there.

For 15 months we have found a common ground of warmth, softness and mutual protection. No longer do I have to fear the stray dog foot running in its sleep while kicking me in the head. No longer do I have to fear the Guatemalan heat as she acts as my barrier. I can’t sleep without her and when I’m on business trips, in the hotel room I will make a replica of her but it will do no good and it will take me 2 hours to go to sleep.

Everything was peaceful in Hossmaniaville. Until last night when she was brutally taken from me..

I tend to stay up later than my wife as she is with child and falls asleep roughly 3 hours before I do. I went up to my bed well after her bedtime and got into bed. I arranged my pillows so they were just perfect and I kicked a dog that was licking himself for a good ten minutes. But when I went to reach for Natalya, she was not there.

I looked and I looked. I was frantic, where could she be!

And then I saw her, in my wife’s arms, on the other side of the bed. I knew that Natalya would never do this to me, she would never betray the trust we had built. She would never sacrifice the relationship that we had established. When there was no one else, there was always me.

I reached over my wife and put my hand on Natalya. I could feel my wife tighten her grip. I gave a slight tug but my wife just gripped harder. “No” she sleepily complained. I pointed out that 15 months ago she cast Natalya aside and had no claim on her now. She would not listen to reason. I was abandoned.

This can’t be happening. This is not right. I cannot sleep without my Natalya. But what do I do? My wife is pregnant and her comfort should always come first. But it is getting passed 2:00am and I must get some sleep. I know that my wife was jealous of this relationship. Even when she says she wasn’t, I knew that she was.

So I did the only thing that I could do. When my wife rolled over, I greedily ripped Natalya from her arms. I’m coming baby, just hold on.

My wife protested but I would not listen, I had my Natalya back and life was again good.

In the morning my wife and I discussed this situation in depth. Many hurtful things were said, we cried and screamed, trying to reconnect.

It was then that we agreed that perhaps it is time to let Natalya live her own life and have her own happiness.

Today, we went out and found Hank, my wife’s new body pillow and forever companion to Natalya. Although we will never have what we once did, it’s the memory that I will cherish.