"You're dead dad." My 9 year old son says. "It's over, you lost."
I lost? I lost. I lost a video game to my 9 year old son. He kicked the living crap out of me and I couldn't keep up. I wasn't trying to lose. I was trying to win. I was trying to rub his little nose in the awesomeness of dad. And he toyed with me and crushed me like an ant underneath his boot.
I feel the power dynamic has changed a little bit here, it has shifted in my house. My son is the gamer and I'm just the old guy that says "no I don't want to play, I'll just watch."
It wasn't even a contest. When did they start making video games so fast paced? I know that I haven't really played in a while, but christ man, I couldn't even keep up with the action. And I was distracted! Yes, I was distracted! I was distracted by my son's taunts and laughs and calls.
"Dad, do you even know where you are going?"
I know where I'm going you little butthole, I'm coming to lay the dad smack down on you.
I seem to be stuck in a wall.
"I'm not over there dad, why are you over there."
I'm over here to do stuff. Don't worry why I'm over here. I'm playing 4d chess over here, I'm playing a game so deep you can't even see the board.
I have no idea which way to go, I think I'm lost.
"Look at your radar dad, you can find me on your radar."
I know where the god damn radar is! I was around when they invented the in game radar! I am the master of the radar.
Are you the red blip or am I the red blip? Who's the green blip?
"Dad, when you see me you have to push x, that will let you use your special weapon."
I am the master of the special weapon boy! I am going to special weapon you all over this digital landscape.
If I can find you, which I can't. Which button is x? Why are these buttons so small?
When did this happen? What changed from when he was 5 to now? The first time I let him play a video game with me he would just button smash and scream. And somehow we have gone from that kid to this digital ninja who likes to electrocute people. And why is there electricity in this game, I thought we had blasters or something. I'm not really sure.
Years ago I even wrote blogs about my video game abilities. Epic poems describing the Herculean feats of gaming glory danced from my finger tips. I was the Homer in my own little Odyssey. But after many years away I return and the suiters have "pawned" me and I am vanquished.
Not only do I lose, I lose badly. It is not even a contest. He didn't even have to try.
I look at my boy, he's all smile now and I see how big he has truly gotten, no longer the little guy that had to sit in my lap everyday after school. My boy. My awesome kick ass little boy. He beat his old man in one of his old man's favorite hobbies. I can see the pride in his face with the accomplishment of it. I love this guy.
Which is why I'm going to send him to bed now and practice so I can kick his little ass tomorrow. Dad Rules.