I took the minions to the art museum. You may be disagreeing with this, knowing our children as we do. But I parent like other people do extreme sports. I base jump parent. It's the only way to live. Some other parents may go to the potter barn or a nice china shop as an afternoon outing. But really, if something isn't labeled as priceless how can you live on the edge as we like to do? A broken fancy flowered tea pot can be replaced. A broken Rembrandt lands you in jail. Sometimes even I question why I do the things that I do with the kids. I'm sure it would be easier to just sit home counting the piles of laundry that remain undone but it wouldn't be as exciting.
We have a good art museum here. It's got a lot of fancy stuff by a lot of fancy painters. And the modern art area is in it's own complete section which makes it easier to skip entriely. I don't even have to walk through it. Judge me, I don't care. But I just can't seem to understand how a bunch of toilets nailed to a wall is art. I don't know what emotion that is supposed to spark. I freely admit that my understanding of art consists of "that one has boobs and that one does not."
I would also like to tell you that I want a better understanding of art. That would be the mature thing to do. But I have no desire to do any such thing. The redneck in me is alive and well.
The real reason that we wanted to go to the art museum on this particular fine day though was because of the giant shuttlecocks in the front field of the museum. Seriously, gaint shuttlecocks. Those things that you play badminton with. We have two of them right in front in a giant field. They are about 2 stories each. I don't get why they are there but I do like the fact that they are there. I know, it's modern art that I don't get. And I know that they contain no boobs at all. But still, this one I find very cool because there is a hint of silliness in it and I like silliness. None of us should take ourselves so seriously.
For a while I wanted to picnic under the shuttlecocks and today was that day. So after running the ring of fire that is the European section of the art museum, we headed outside.
Today was also field trip day at the art museum. I try to avoid field trip days. My kids seem to think that they get to go with the groups and sometimes I may or may have not lost them. Hossmom reads this blog so I need to be careful what I say.
All the field trip kids were also outside. And they were near my shuttlecocks. They were all over them. They were climbing on them. They were hiding around them. I'm even sure there were some awarkward first kiss moments under there as well. My point is they were treating this thing like Jodi Foster in the Accused.
So we couldn't picnic under the artwork. I also don't like field trip days because they fuck up my plans and it's frowned upon when you smack around kids that aren't yours. But we made due, we ate underneath some trees. Not a giant shuttlecock, but charming in it's own way.
Eventually the field trip kids went back to their Pink Floyd schools to be another brick in the wall and Little Hoss and Bubba Hoss ran to the shuttlecocks.
Little Hoss leaned against the giant shuttlecock and apparently that was enough to send Paul Blart the mall cop out at us. He came running down the stairs yelling "Don't touch the art!", almost tripping over a destroyed Monet that was not my kids fault. The minions froze, as did I.
Out of breath, panting, he explained that no one is allowed to touch the giant shuttlecocks. Not the three thousand field trip kids, no. Apparently they can make it their own personal urinal. But we are not allowed to touch it.
I thought about arguing but the guy had a point. Don't wreck the artwork. I get it. My children try very hard to not destroy anything that doesn't belong to me. My stuff they have not problem with destroying. And eventually we may destroy every priceless piece of artwork out there but at least we will be polite about it.
Although what gets me is that the docent didn't have a problem with the 3000 kids before us and somehow we got singled out. Perhaps Little Hoss' reputation proceeds her. That I could understand. But most likely it was because large groups scare him and he was looking for stragglers of the pack. Someone nice and easy that he could correct, perhaps the little sick ones that he could separate from the herd. That way he could go back to his bosses and tell of how he inserted himself in a child riot and was able to keep the artwork safe. His bosses would be pleased, give him a raise, and he could drive home in his Volvo.
We left the shuttlecock alone and watched the docent leave. We picked up our mess and stood back looking at the giant shuttlecocks.
We still don't get it. But at least we aren't touching it.