No Shit

I had to take my daughter to the restroom today at the grocery store. No big deal really, we are awesome at this. In and out, pee and poop, hands washed in under 2 minutes.

We go in the men's bathroom because the one time I tried to take her into the female bathroom there was a lot of purse throwing. It did not end well.

We also have to take my one year old son with us because the purse throwing thing comes back if I just leave him out front begging for change.

So we go in there and grab our stall. There is another guy in the stall next to us. I have no idea what he is thinking. Maybe I should have just leveled with him right up front. Dude, I'm not going to lie to you. This is going to get weird.

He might clench up. In fact, I'm sure he did.

The conversation he was hearing from our end was pretty striaght forward. Pull your panties down honey. Let's go pee-pee on the potty. There you go, good girl. I'm hoping to god that he knew that I had a toddler with me. But like I said, this is going to weird.

We are getting settled up and I turn around to gather my son, assuming that he was standing nicely and quietly exactly where I left him.

He wasn't. He was down on all fours and halfway into the next stall laughing at the guy while he was pooping. And there's the weirdness.

I grab him by the back of his hayseed overalls and begin issuing every form of an apology that I can think of.

Sorry my son snuck up on you while you were pinching one off, not cool, I agree, I don't watch my kids very well, in fact I'm thinking about giving this whole father thing up. Please, just continue your poop.

I'll admit it, we didn't wash our hands. We just got the hell out of there, back into the car and ordered pizza for dinner.