I have just been informed that as part of my marriage contract I am required to apologize when I am told to.
It would appear that the last blog that I entered shortly after Christmas may have slightly offended my mother in law who was visiting for a week.
There were suggestions that I take the post down. But I hid behind the principles of an artist and cited “artistic integrity” and “censorship” rather than the ever more true of “I’m a pig and will never give in to the mob.” And thus it stayed but it still seems that feelings may have been hurt, even though it was just a reprint from LAST YEAR’s Christmas and in no way reflected the joyous time that all was had by this years Christmas and the volumes on unsolicited advice and judgment.
This was all before Hossmom brought out the marriage contract and made me read the fine print, which apparently says when you read closely: “You will get absolutely no nookie, ever, until you apologize to my mother or your insensitive and shallow remarks that show just what a douchebag you are, with your inferior male anatomy and very bald, bald head”.
Seriously, before you get married, you should really have a lawyer look at that marriage contract. There’s all kinds of shit in there I didn’t know about. Such as how I am required to take the trash out, and only me, ever. That’s just the tip of the iceberg.
So, in order to fulfill my contractual obligations to my wife, I offer this:
I am very sorry that a certain someone out there doesn’t have a sense of humor and didn’t get the joke that I told last year, which by the way, I think is very very funny and if you would just relax a little bit you may be able to chuckle at yourself the same way that I do when you tell me constantly what a bad housekeeper I am………………………………..
Hold on, I have just been informed that that is no kind of apology what so ever and I am being ordered to rewrite it or I am going to be punched in the face.
I am very sorry that my joke was to awesome to be appreciated by all. I gladly accept all the criticism that I receive about my poor spelling and “horrendous grammar” and will offer no criticisms to anyone but myself and………………………….
Whoops, apparently that isn’t cutting it either.
Ok, let me try something else. Let me tell another joke:
A man took his wife and mother in law to the Holy Land. They had a wonderful time were the man dutifully carried all the baggage and spent thousands upon thousands on little figurines of the three wise men. Unfortunately, toward the end of the trip the mother in law feel ill and passed away.
The man made arrangements to have the mother in law buried back home. However, the local priests offered to let the man bury her in the holy land.
“Why not bury her here” they insisted. “The land of Christ.”
The man thanked them very much for their kind offer but refused.
“But sir” they pressed “Why wouldn’t you want this great honor?”
“Well” says the man. “You’ve already had one resurrected here” he sighed.
“And I just can’t take that chance.”
And who told me that joke?
My mother in law, whose trip to visit us was very welcome and enjoyed by all.