Should I Allow My Wife To Work...

Today, I let Dear Wifey go to work!  I know, it's a big thing letting Dear Wifey go into the big downtown without me.  But she was just so cute getting ready this morning, how could I not just sit and smile?

Dear Wifey got dressed and then even managed to start the car, all by herself!  I was so proud of her when she rolled down her window and told me that she would need to put air in her tires.  I asked her if she knew where the gas station was but she left without hearing me.  I hope that Dear Wifey knows what to do:)

Dear Wifey got there safely, but not without some trouble on the way.  She ran into traffic!  Oh, Dear Wifey, don't I know how bad that sucks.  Traffic is so hard, right?  As a man, I totally relate to driving in traffic while going to work.  It's such a big change for her, leaving the house without the kids to actually enter the world without me by her side.  How will she manage without me there???

Dear Wifey texted me throughout the day.  She said that she had lots of meetings.  Meetings!  With MEN!  MEN!  Oh, she's in trouble now, isn't she?  I told her to just keep her head down and to remember to add numbers or get someone coffee.  Numbers are hard because they aren't cleaning or cooking.  She was just so precious when she tried to explain to me about ad campaigns.

She had to go get lunch and do some networking.  Wow, networking for Dear Wifey.  She's a fish out of water, isn't she?  It is so hard talking to other people about work stuff that I was really worried about her.  She even sent me a picture of her with other people eating at a fancy restaurant.  I had to remind her not to talk about menstruation in front of work colleagues.  But you know wives, she probably did it anyway.  LOL.

Dear Wifey called me, all upset in the afternoon.  She said that she was trying to read a spreadsheet and that it was really big.  I asked her what was wrong with that.  She said it was just so many numbers and fancy business words. "Don't worry," I told Dear Wifey, "When you get home I will explain monies to you."  That seemed to make her feel better.

At the end of the day, Dear Wifey had to come back home.  But before she could make it here, she had to talk to a mechanic about the air in her tires.  I guess she couldn't figure out how to fix that after all.  Ha Ha.

I let her back into the house and asked her how her day was.  Dear Wifey said it was hard and that there were a lot of people doing business things.  I patted her on the back and then allowed her to go back to her kitchen.  Dear Wifey survived and didn't kill anyone!  Lulz and whatever the fuck else.


_____________________

We should all be good and pissed off about that condescending garbage written up top.  If you are not, then you are part of the fucking problem.

I see articles like this all the time except from the other side.  Dear Husband is left alone with the kids, to say, make breakfast.  And holy shit, he makes a disaster of it.  But it's ok, he's ONLY A DAD.  What the actual Jesus Fuck?  That's the message:  Dad doesn't know what he is doing so let's all celebrate it.  Go to any big parenting site and I guarantee you will find at least one story like this. 

The last one of these I read was a dad who only had to get his kids ready for school.  They weren't even toddlers.  They were goddamn teenagers.  How fucking hard is that?  And what was the last line of the article?  "He survived.  LOL." 

There's a name for this.  It's called the buffoon dad.  It's the Homer Simpson syndrome.  An inept father who can't be bothered to actually parent his kids.  And we fucking celebrate this.  But you know, buffoons aren't funny if there isn't any redemption.  It's just sad. I read these and pity everyone involved. 

Stop giving us father's credit for stupid shit.  None of us deserves any special recognition for making breakfast, taking the kids anywhere, or buying a gallon of milk.  I mean for fuck's sake, is our bar for success so god damn low?  And when these articles are written, when that message gets out there, it demeans us all.  So fucking stop it.  Does everyone see now, when the story is flipped, how pathetic that shit is? 

Where are the awesome fatherhood stories?  The ones that show dad's doing something truly remarkable?  I mean, Christ people, these dads are everywhere and should be celebrated.  I know a guy that runs two boy scout troops, the pack, two soccer teams, works full time and countless other activities.  Including making fucking breakfast for his kids without a fucking word.  He does it because he's Dad.  Let's celebrate that guy.  That's right, Micah, let's celebrate you.  That's the guy that we should all recognize as an awesome father. 

But those stories don't really exist.  They are hidden behind every post where a father can't even manage to get to the kids to school by 9 am.  Let's continue to go down this rabbit hole.  Why aren't we celebrating the moms that bust their ass to bring in the income?  Those women are the role models and we should sing their praises.  My own wife has provided for us for nine god damn years.  That's who we should be tipping our hats to.  The parents that bust ass 24/7.

Look, I know what I write and I know the comedic value of a character being placed in a situation that he isn't familiar with.  Fine, go with it.  But as a father if you aren't familiar with cleaning the house or changing a diaper, there is something wrong with you.  And we shouldn't cheer it on.  We should give some real god damn stories that at least show you what it looks like to actually fucking try.  Yes, show the failures, but also show that Hulk Hogan moment.  The whole world is going to shit, your back is up against a wall and the audiecne thinks you aren't going to make it.  Then bam, you figure it out, do things your way and save the day.  That's a redemption story and it's the one that we should all be writing.  Not the sad sack of shit that thinks he deserves credit for learning how to carpool. 

Because here is the truth, and it's been said a million times now but let's say it again:  Dads Don't Babysit.  We parent.  Even when we fail, we fail as a parent.  Celebrate the comeback story, not the clueless turd that never bothers to learn from his mistakes.  At the very least, our measure of success shouldn't be if all the kids are all alive at the end of the story.  We are better than that, let's show it.