The Conversation

"I know what I'm doing, back off."  I tell him.  I am not a child and I wasn't born yesterday, I got this.

"I'm telling you, the Chiefs defense is a surprise this year.  Look at their fantasy score over the last several weeks.  My defense sucks balls."

"...."

"I know my defense was ranked pretty decently but that was before the season.  They haven't done crap.  I'm picking them up." I say as I continue my rant.

"I won the championship last year, I have been playing for 20 years.  I've got way more experience than you.  I'm picking them up so be quiet and how about a little support?"  I don't like being questioned, especially in my own house.

"There, it's done.  I'm golden.  Championship here I come."

"Excuse me?" I'm a bit shocked by his response.

"Dude, to far man, to far."

It's difficult to debate someone when they lose and then get all personal.

"Look, I'm not fat.  I'm just a little chubby.  No reason to go ahead and try to shame me just because I think the Chiefs are a better defense.  Go suck an egg."  Not my best comeback, but to be honest I was a bit hurt.  I mean, ouch man, ouch.

"I've got responsibilities, something you would know nothing about.  I run this entire household man, I've got kids to get to school, I've got sports teams to coach, errands to run.  Things get busy brother.  I'm going to work out, just as soon as things calm down."

It just got worse from there.

"I am not neglecting myself, I'll get to it."  He looks down at my finger, the tip is a bit sore.

"Ok, fine, my finger may be infected.  It happens."

"Yes it hurts, I'll go to the doctor next month, lay off me."  How did I get to the point where I have to defend myself?  "Hossmom just started a new job and our health insurance doesn't kick in for 30 days.  I'll go to the doctor then."

"Ow, stop hitting it.  That hurts man.  And no, I don't want to talk about Obamacare.  You've already got me riled up."

"What!!"

"Look dude, that's to far.  I am not neglecting my wife like I am neglecting myself.  I love everything that she is.  She is the moon and the stars so shut up.  She knows I love her."

"I know we haven't been on a date in a while.  But we got all these rug rats running around and the new job.  She works late and has  a lot going on.  We haven't had time to go out right now.  Things will settle down, maybe after all the birthdays are done."

"Where you going?  Come back here, we are still talking about this.  You can't just make statements like that and walk away.  Man up."  I walk over to him.

"Ow!  What the hell man?!  There was no reason to hit me.  You got me right in the nose.  Totally uncalled for.  Seriously, just because you are mad that I picked up the defense that you didn't want there is no reason to go into all this other stuff and then punch me in the nose."

"Look, I think we are just getting on eachothers nerves today.  Let's just take a break and start over.  Fine?"

"Fine!  Go ahead and crawl away.  See if I care."  I sat there pouting for a good 5 minutes before shaking myself out of it.

This is the real conversation that I had with my 7 month old boy.

I think I need to get out of the house a little more often, the crazies are setting in.